


Unique and Undeniable

by UnrealRomance



Series: Modern Girls in Star Wars [1]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types, the clone wars
Genre: Actually thinking critically about shit, Alternative Universe - Canon to the Left, Anakin was found by the Jedi much later and has always had Obi-Wan as a Master, And gay clones, Because I hate the Jedi as an institution, Clever Obi-Wan, Do not interact if you unironically think the Jedi were the good guys, F/M, I am putting Trans and nonbinary Clones in here somewhere, I do like the individuals, I don't care if you think you can 'handle it' I don't want you here, Kind Mace Windu, Loving towards his Clones, Mace - Freeform, Mace and Obi-Wan not thinking smth is up with the Jedi is kind of ooc, Minors DNI, Minors do not interact, Modern Girl/Rex Romance, Obi-Wan - Freeform, Resurgence of the Je'daii, Sentinel Investigator, She is a Jedi, They're cool, Yoda - Freeform, but not the Jedi institution, modern girl, no clonecest tho, so I fixed it, that's gross
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:40:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 30,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27431410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnrealRomance/pseuds/UnrealRomance
Summary: Nova Kiles has spent four years basically in confinement for the sin of being a Jedi that asks too many questions.Now she's been given a chance to change everything she can remember about the future of this world and she honestly doesn't know what to do with it. She thought all the Jedi hated her. So why are Obi-Wan, Anakin, Yoda and Mace suddenly all on her side?(The first Story I've ever written in THIRD PERSON. So if you usually avoid me because I write first person, this is the story you'll want to check out.)
Relationships: CT-7567 | Rex/Original Character(s), CT-7567 | Rex/Original Female Character(s), Captain Rex/Original Female Character
Series: Modern Girls in Star Wars [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2004112
Comments: 86
Kudos: 128





	1. Padawan in Limbo

Padawan Nova Kiles has been training for thirteen years to become a Jedi Knight.

Padawan Nova Kiles was only supposed to have been training for _nine_ years- though in truth fifteen would have been better- and only nine of those years were guided by an actual teacher.

The four extra years were spent waiting for Knight Trials that never came. Shut away in a small room in the Jedi Temple. Left to her own devices for far longer than was wise.

Because you see, Jedi Padawan Nova Kiles doesn't drink the kool-aid.

With every passing month and year, the Padawan lost more and more faith in the Jedi. Not only because they sealed her away and seemingly forgot about her, but because she was not raised to be a Jedi at all.

No, in fact- she was not even _from_ this universe of Sith and Jedi, but one apart from it. One in which the story being told was about good triumphing over evil- or at least to her childish mind at the time, it seemed as such.

But the longer she spent in the world of the Jedi, the more flaws she began to perceive. And the Jedi are nothing if not proud of themselves. They would prefer their flaws go unnoticed.

When a fifteen year old child shows up on the street, bedraggled and lit by the Force from within- of course what is the Jedi Temple to do but to snatch them up for themselves?

To give credit to the Jedi who found the young teenage girl, they did attempt to take her to a shelter for wayward children _first_.

It was only when Nova stopped a Speeder gone Wild from slamming into her by deflecting it with a force push that her talents were discovered.

Nova had honestly believed that the world around her was a delusion until she was taken to the Jedi Temple for training for a few years. She believed that she had simply lost her grip on reality somehow. It had happened to her cousin with Schizophrenia, it was plausible that she had something like that, wasn't it?

So of course it took rather a long time to convince her that it was instead, reality. Because of this, her powers were…strangely potent. It was as if, believing them to be false was the key to unlocking them.

Later of course she came to the conclusion that it was because force power is determined by the strength of will of the user- and their imagination.

Luke had to be taught to let go of his expectations of how heavy something might be, and so- her perception of everything as 'nothing' allowed her mind to easily fling about things that would otherwise be immovable to a Youngling, or even a Padawan.

She was no more powerful than any other Jedi, just advanced. And she was no more learned- simply dedicated. And yet she still managed to get apprenticed just a year after she entered the Jedi Temple and completed her Initiate Trials.

Not because she was talented, but because she cared for nothing else. She had never been to a world of such magic and wonder and because she had no other option, she embraced it.

Unlike the other Younglings, she had not lived with the reality of the force for her entire life. And she had not lived knowing that she had access to it, either.

They took for granted it was there while she sought it out with desperation to be one with something mystical and strange.

You see Nova was never precisely what one would call a 'normal' child. From a young age, she was sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of others. Reactive and adaptable for all her fifteen years before coming to the Universe of Jedi and Sith.

It took four years for her to realize the major flaws of the Jedi.

It happened slowly. As she trained, she simply asked questions that no one else bothered to ask. Or at least not _often_.

And she did not accept vagueness as an answer. She was not a vague child and she did not deal in vague concepts.

She was analytical and based her beliefs in fact. She did not abhor religion and faith, but did not understand them.

Her whole life she was promised to a god she had never chosen, because her parents believed it was the best path for her. And then she was elsewhere with no gods and no religion but a belief in a tangible thing that could be controlled.

It seemed to Nova that this thing was part of her, not of an entity she knew nothing about. It was a thing that connected her to other people, other things, yes- but not some strange amalgam of a being with unknowable intentions.

And Nova Kiles' name was not always such, either. But she shrugged and gave it when they asked because if you are going to live in a delusion, why not have a bit of fun and really embrace it?

Nova particularly liked her new name when she was twenty, because rather than implying femininity- it implied a flash of celestial energy- and celestial energy has no gender.

At eighteen she discovered boys- and at twenty-two she discovered girls. Really what was she to do but explore this strange new world of gender and sexuality?

The Jedi had rules, though, they always had rules. She could be whatever gender she wanted, provided she wore appropriate Jedi attire, no one cared if she liked to be called She, He or They.

Discovering that feminine-coded Droids were given 'Sha' and masculine-coded Droids were called 'Ha' in Galactic Trade Common was something strange and new and delightful when she was sixteen and may have been the catalyst for her self-discovery.

But nothing the Jedi liked to wear really…appealed to Nova Kiles. No, Nova Kiles liked what Sith preferred to wear. Though she knew she could never, _ever_ say so.

Admitting that the Sith might have had more _anything_ than the Jedi was just asking to be labeled a 'problem' and scooted off to the Service Corps. Even if that 'anything' was fashion.

Nova didn't know why the Service Corps were bad, but everyone talked about how they couldn't stand to go there. Nova assumed it must be boring or gross work.

It wasn't until she visited the Archives that she realized it was just like 'waste management' and 'fast food service' had been in her world. People simply thought they could do 'better'.

Nova didn't understand that. It seemed a perfectly fine line of work. She personally wanted to be a Jedi Knight, but she respected the lorekeepers and the tech repair Jedi and even marveled at the feats of Agricultural wonder that the Service Corps was able to accomplish as farmers.

Nova had always been a good, quiet and studious girl- fitting in with the Jedi had not been difficult. But those small bits of her personality that caught up on the Code like hair in the bushes of a wild, overgrown forest- well, they caused her no end of problems.

If she asked her master too many questions about the code, she would be expected to write entire essays upon something she did not understand to begin with. Pointing this out only gained her an entirely new master and feelings of abandonment.

But she never stopped asking.

Nova walked up to each new master and asked the same questions. Hoping for a sign, a change. Something to reassure her that this delusion- this new _world_ was _different_.

That people would listen and respond to her as if she were a person, and not a pet or a particularly amusing robot that had been programmed to spit out expected phrases.

That she would not be smacked about and discarded like a broken toy that said all the wrong words.

Those questions were fairly simple. But no one ever seemed able to answer them.

( _But Master, Balance in what? If we can only use the Light side, there is no balance. You have to have equal and opposite forces for balance._ )

( _But master, we_ _ **do**_ _have emotions. We can't just not have emotions. How are we supposed to turn them off? It's in your brain. I don't think repression is healthy. Can we have emotions and still attain peace?_ )

( _I don't understand. Compassion is required but I'm not allowed to care about people? What about empathy? Is that allowed? I have a lot of that, I don't think I can- no, I don't want to fall to the darkside but I can't control- and as soon as you tell me how to_ _ **do that**_ _I'll be happy to. Do you wanna tell me? Do you wanna explain? Because nobody ever has and they keep acting like I should be able to figure it out alone. What is the point of teachers who don't teach?_ )

By the time her eighth year of training rolled around, Nova was more dissatisfied with her teachers than ever. But she still had faith in the Jedi. And decided to ask the high council her questions instead.

( _Padawan, what you ask for is knowledge of the Dark Side._ )

( **Isn't it funny how often people bring up the Dark Side when I ask them to think for themselves…** )

( _...Meditate upon the concept of serenity and you will find your answer._ )

( **And if I've meditated for eight years on the concept of fucking serenity and had no answer, what then?** )

( _...I believe perseverance is key, Padawan. Now if you will excuse me-_ )

Stop asking questions, Nova.

Conform, Nova.

Obey, Nova.

These were the messages she was continuously exposed to until one day- they announced she would be a Knight. As long as she passed her trials.

But Nova was not excited so much as perplexed.

She had done nothing special to earn this Rank. She had not even understood the lessons imparted unto her, not completely.

When she had asked, they had replied that whether she passed or not was entirely up to the Force. And they glanced away when she asked why she wasn't being given as much training as the other Padawans before their Trials. Why did she only get nine years of training instead of at least fifteen?

You are advanced, they said.

You may have a special destiny, but we need to make sure, they said.

You may be completely unremarkable and we must conserve our energy for students with more promise, they said.

They really did say that last one. With different words meant to sound slightly prettier, but only slightly.

And when a month turned into six months- and then into a year…Nova realized it was all a lie. Not just the code or the Jedi teachings that went with it- but the Trials themselves.

Nova was not going to be Trialed. Nova was going to be kept waiting for as long as it took for her to give up and join the Service Corps to save them the trouble of having to test her and chance her becoming a Knight. And also so they wouldn't have to find her another new master because her last one had become fed up with her questions.

So Nova stubbornly refused to go anywhere.

She studied the force, not with teachers but within herself.

She practiced combat not with lightsabers, but with her fists. In a style she had to learn from an old Holocron.

She used the force to create art from warped metal and refused to give up her passions, secretly in her room.

But part of Nova was still a little afraid of falling to the Dark Side. So Nova also studied the Dark Side and all the steps supposedly leading up to it.

Nova realized the Dark Side didn't exist.

And that dark side and light side skill sets, in reality, made no sense.

Mental manipulation was evil, and yet it was of the light.

Shooting lightning was a combat skill and demonized, even though lightsabers were glorified.

Healing was of the light, but the users of the darkness could sustain themselves on nothing but it for _centuries_ if they so pleased.

It seemed to Nova that those darkside users reached a place of enlightenment. Incomplete but powerful.

And that those lightside users who'd mastered things like Battle Meditation had mastered only the ability to use others minds and wills and bodies against themselves.

In theory she thought it a rather fetching idea- when using your cunning, it is thrilling and can even be moral! But using magic to scramble someone's brains was just downright wrong.

And so in the privacy of her small sanctuary, Nova called forth lightning to flicker over her body. She got used to internalizing it. Using it when she sparred with dummies- and then immediately discontinuing the practice when she noticed the singe marks.

No evidence of her study of Darkside techniques could be discovered-

But Nova was a good girl who abhorred lying and disobeying. So she asked for a master to visit her and when one could finally be assed to do so- she asked them why Lightning was darkness and Mental Manipulation was Light.

( _Because the Code dictates it. It is our way._ )

( **...okay somebody better re-read me the code then, because all I remember is some shit about peace, passion and death. I do not recall there being even one line about this. Is there an expanded version nobody ever told me about?** )

( _...await your trial, Padawan, and you will understand soon._ )

After that, Nova simply did not ask anymore.

Nova simply knew.

She looked back on her memories of the movies and television shows she'd watched as a child and then young teenager and she came to one conclusion-

' _It was never about good vs evil, was it? Both sides are terrible, but the people of this universe had to pick a side so they chose the lesser of two evils. This entire universe is just based upon the critique of society as being constantly choosing the lesser of two evils and not being tempted to give up the endless slog of progress for the false freedoms of oppressing other people to gain power._ '

Nova finally understood. But also understood nothing.

Where did the Jedi concept of Balance come from? Why did the Sith even exist? Where did the _Jedi_ come from?

She sought the answer in the Archives, and found only a fleeting mention of an order known, as Je'daii.

And _that's_ when the dreams started.


	2. Promoted?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You will be enjoying a chapter of this story every week on wednesday for the next month. It's all pre-written out and everything. Cheers!

The Force, when it decided to speak to a Jedi- was an undeniably wild and powerful thing.

But Nova had long since perceived the force as something more akin to the ancestral memory of all things and all people- rather than some sentient being made up of other beings. She saw this outpouring of information for what it was.

Her Force self had reached out to the universe for answers when she could find none using her fleshly body. And the other parts of the universe she had long since accessed, answered her better than any of her instructors ever could.

And that is how Nova learned of the Balance that Jedi spoke of but had forgotten. And she finally stopped expecting them to give her any answers.

She had long since stopped asking- but now she knew the reason they didn't answer was because they _couldn't_ and not because they refused to.

The Jedi didn't _know_ why they believed in the Code. It had simply been so long that they had stopped questioning everything. Everything was explained with 'the Code' or 'the Force' and because no Jedi wanted to admit not being able to connect to the Force enough to understand the Code- they simply waited for the day when they would finally understand.

And that day came, in its own way. There was a day when they finally shared that collective apathy toward the question 'why' and they assumed this meant they must have understood what they had always craved to know.

And that. Well. That is when Nova began to study every available holocron on the past of the Jedi and Sith- even learning slicing and data analysis skills in order to break into forbidden areas of the Temple and hide her tracks.

This is also when she began to visit the Younglings in secret.

The Eldest of them were already somewhat indoctrinated- and she saw no way to keep them quiet about what she taught them. So she avoided the older classes.

But the youngest of them were happy to keep playtime a secret if it meant their friend would come back tomorrow.

And play they did! With blocks and with dolls and any kind of other things that Nova could get her hands on.

She taught them how to play games on their personal datapads, and how to mute the sound and hide their tracks by erasing their history usage and replacing it with a dummy history.

Because you see, Nova was determined that these children would not be as ill-adjusted to real life and socialization as the rest of the Jedi. Determined that they would be healthier and happier and more skilled at interacting with people than the other Jedi would prefer.

A year in which she spent her time doing nothing but learning and teaching ensued. And she was never caught. Not only because she had long since learned to mask her presence and cover her tracks, but also because she had taught the Younglings and the Younglings were meticulous in their protection of her.

By the time she had learned absolutely everything she could about the Je'daii from Holocrons and visions, she had come to be known as 'big sister' by all the younglings under the age of ten.

And not a single master knew of her existence as more than 'that Padawan awaiting her trials'.

Her track record was a bit _too_ good. She investigated her own breaches in the Temple's security and found traces that she had to erase. And realized that because there was nothing to Alert the Jedi, they would never find those traces.

If she did not openly threaten someone or exude dark 'vibes' in every general direction- no one was going to investigate anything.

Nova felt both relieved and very _very_ angry.

Children lived within the Temple. They could call them 'Younglings' if they liked, but they were vulnerable and the Jedi were supposed to be protecting them.

But they weren't. And if she brought it up, it would be brushed aside.

So Nova simply studied until she could take control of the entire security network and set up her own protections, firewalls and alarms.

And not long after she had total control of the system, something pinged.

Someone was sneaking into the archives room and hacking into the Sith Holocron display. So of course Nova had to investigate.

And what did she find but a fourteen year old youngling, desperate to improve their skills and find a master.

Nova took them back to her own tiny sanctuary and showed them other ways to improve that didn't involve a Sith Holocron. But kept it for herself once they were gone.

The Sith are a deceptive people, but there are clues to things she needs to know in this Holocron and she was going to go and find it soon anyway.

Luckily she'd disabled the alarms going to the Jedi Council or they would have known of that Younglings' desperate act of folly. And a child did not deserve to be reprimanded for being afraid and making bad choices that were directly caused by bad parenting.

If she could reprimand the Jedi themselves in any measurable way, you can bet that Nova would.

But alas, she was left without an avenue toward that particular goal.

That is, until the Youngling came back. With friends.

At first it was simply a gathering in which they would ask their questions and Nova would answer. But later it became a study session and then later, a class.

Many of the Younglings had not been chosen to be Padawans by anyone- it was wartime. Knights did not want to endanger the Younglings and had no time to teach them anyway.

As such, they somewhat fell through the cracks. The Jedi cared only that they were in their beds at a certain time of night- rotating shifts of guards made sure they were.

And so only two hours spent each night could be dedicated to this class. But in those two hours, Nova taught them everything she thought they needed to know. And she planned, and schemed and created opportunities.

When the children returned to their rooms, she would sneak into the archives. The timing was _perfect_ for avoiding the Guards. Sometimes they _entered_ the Archives, but it was easy enough to slip out of them through a loose panel in the ceiling in order to avoid detection.

And when she did so, she always had a holocron in her hands.

She'd made a false one for every Holocron she'd planned to take and put it in the place of the one she was borrowing for the night. And before morning, she would replace it.

Nova had become so adept at hiding her tracks and slipping about without notice that she did not even realize someone was earnestly looking for her for a few days.

When she did notice, it was a strange, jarring feeling. As if the self she had been up till now were a phantom with rules for engagement.

And now she was a fleshly person with a face to recognize and a name to call.

What was even more unsettling is that she knew the voice that called out to her. In fact she knew it so instantly and with such a visceral clutch in her stomach that she was actually worried he might have sensed her reaction in the Force.

He would walk right past her, calling her name. But he would call her by the wrong title.

"Knight Kiles?" he would call and walk up and down the halls around her room. "Hello? I was told there was a Knight Kiles here?"

"You won't find a Knight Kiles, here, Master Kenobi." Her deadpan voice reached out to him from the doorway of her room. "Only a Padawan Kiles."

He approached her then, and the furrow in his brow spoke of confusion. He did not realize what she was saying at first. "A relation? Or simply the same name?"

"An error in title," she responds with her head tilting and her eyes drooped with boredom. "I haven't had my Knight Trials yet."

"I thought Padawan Kiles was given their Knight Trials a few years ago?" he asks, so honestly baffled. So adorably caught off-guard and good natured to a fault.

Nova Kiles smiles at him. Smiles in a way that is gentle but also a reproach. "I really should hope that a high level Jedi like you at least peruses the records now and then."

"Ah," he clears his throat. "Well I did, in order to look for you. But it listed your title as 'Knight'."

' _ **Of course,**_ ' she thought to herself suddenly and with vicious fervor. ' _In order to keep anyone from actually giving me a trial, they mislabeled me.'_

She grinned then. "Well I suppose if they have me recorded as a Knight, that must mean I definitely am one. Did they list what my specialization was?"

Obi-Wan seemed to realize something wasn't quite right, but was happy to provide information. "A Consular?"

Nova's eyes rolled so hard they actually ached a bit when she was done. "Is there any way to edit that information?"

"They got it wrong, then?" he asks, chagrined. "I was hoping for help in persuasion skills. I have a very important bit of information I need but I need it gained subtly."

"Well I am that- but I'd prefer not to, if you don't mind," she says. "I find mental manipulation to be morally wrong and more darkside than any other skill I've ever come across."

"Ah, I did not intend to imply such a thing," he says. "That is…an interesting opinion. I only meant- I need a specialist who is very good at getting information."

"Well, if you mark me down in that file as being a Jedi Knight Sentinel Investigator, I can resolve that issue for you," she replies.

And when he agrees, she knows she's found her chance. Her chance to do what needs to be done.

She is all at once grateful for the existence of Obi-Wan Kenobi and his affable veneer.

And a veneer it is.

' _He realized what they were doing, dug through the available information and found an opportunity. Then he probably waited until he actually had need of my_ _ **skills**_ _before coming to find me,_ ' she thinks to herself as they shake hands.

She grips his hand with a warm strength and smiles with affection that is fully felt and honestly accepted.

And now she has an ally.


	3. Revealing Big Sister

On a bright, beautiful morning in the Jedi Temple of Coruscant- Nova is brought before the High Council.

She is walked through marble hallways by armored guards with yellow lightsaber staves and wonders if today is the day she gains her vindication…or if perhaps her hopes will all fall flat.

"No record of the Trials, there is," Grandmaster Yoda observes. "But recorded as a knight, she undoubtedly was."

"This makes little sense," Mace Windu says as he looks over the records. "According to this, she was made Knight two years ago. But there are no mission statements, no notification of Padawan selection. And no records of her ever having been given a Clone Trooper Legion. Or even a Squad!"

"Yeah a real head-scratcher," she replies. "Got any idea who put me down as a Knight to begin with?"

Nova had been counting on just this, ever since she heard from Obi-Wan Kenobi that she was marked down with a title she hadn't yet earned.

Asking him to change the specialization for her would mean that he would have to bring it up to the Council, at least in passing. To get authorization.

Which would create an opening, an opportunity.

Because they would either be forced to strike the title and admit someone had made a mistake that led to a Padawan waiting for _four years_ for their Trials to begin-

Or.

"Isn't this the Padawan who deflected a speeder bike on the street before ever having trained as a Jedi?" One of the masters asks.

"Yes, yes. She gained a scar during her training when everyone was learning to jump up sheer cliff faces," another remarks.

Courage and Flesh.

"Her ability with a saber is average, but it isn't her chosen weapon anyway, is it? What is it she uses, some sort of…gauntlet?" another asks. What was his name? "Did she not manage to defeat all the opponents set against her? In her records it shows that the only people a match for her were her masters and other seasoned Knights."

Skill.

"She's the one always asking probing questions, isn't she?" another asks. Distaste clear in their tone. "Very analytical…"

Insight.

"Didn't she get into a fight when she was sixteen? The record states that one of the other Padawans has a grudge against her," they say.

"That Padawan was found to be the aggressor," another replies. "She defended herself but did not injure them. They were sent to the Service corps, as they had too much anger in them."

"That's something, I suppose," the first says. "Though I don't know if it should count."

Spirit.

They're actually just finding excuses- the flimsiest of excuses, to pass her through already. To justify the mistake that was made.

"I will accept every other trial has been passed," Mace Windu speaks suddenly. "But Spirit has not yet actually been initiated. I do not believe holding your temper when another child attacks you should be enough to confirm that she has faced her own darkness and won."

' _Not gonna quibble over Insight? Curious,_ ' Nova muses.

She wonders if this means that she can expand her influence even just a little by enlisting Obi-Wan's help to persuade both Windu and Yoda into accepting her request. It will be very good for her future plans if it goes through without a hitch.

"I'm totally lost here," General Skywalker speaks for the first time since the meeting began.

He wasn't invited, but followed on General Kenobi's heels. As per usual.

Nova believes the Council simply does not have the energy to deal with him anymore. So just like with her, they ignore his presumptuousness and allow him to do what he wants. So long as he keeps winning in the war and doesn't fall to the dark side, Anakin Skywalker is allowed to go where his whims take him and do what comes naturally.

"Any sane person would be lost, Anakin," she tells him. "This person literally slapped 'Knight' on my record just to keep anyone from giving me an actual trial. Whoever they are, they obviously didn't think anyone would go looking. Not only are they corrupt, they also seem to think the rest of the Jedi Council is as well. Or incompetent. Dunno which is worse."

"Ahhh," General Skywalker snaps his fingers. "Now I get it. Someone was trying to block your ascension because they're threatened by you."

Nova is a little surprised by that assessment and gives Anakin the eyebrow. "Huh?"

"Think about it," he says and then turns to the rest of the Council. "Unorthodox but effective battle technique, a sharp mind and a calm, unflappable manner. If she'd been tested four years ago, she'd likely have attained a Master Rank by now. Or at least be well on her way to it."

"That implies I'd be able to train a Padawan into a Knight in just four years," she mutters at him.

He turns to her with a small, lopsided smile. "You saying you couldn't? 'Big sister'?"

Nova's entire body goes ice cold with shock and fear. She was _certain_ she'd covered her tracks-!

"What is this about, Anakin?" Obi-Wan asks, stroking his beard and pacing slowly closer to his former Padawan.

"I caught her the other night, sneaking into the Youngling's atrium to meet up with a group of mixed Younglings. Some were of teen age and some were much younger. She went through forms with them, showed them how to focus their force abilities and even educated them in the correct usage of a Holocron," General Skywalker explains. Failing to notice Padawan Kiles' growing anxiety and nausea.

"I _thought_ something was going on," General Gallia says. She reaches up to trace over one of the fleshy protrusions sprouting from her head and hanging down near her shoulders. "I checked in on the Younglings and they seemed…more proficient than usual. Calmer and more well-behaved, even."

Nova begins to realize that Anakin did not see her 'secret' gathering- only the one that is conducted to help the children retain their lessons from the Temple and improve upon them.

He did not see her teaching a young Twi'lek boy to use force lightning in his palm strikes.

Or when she answered the little Nautolan girls' questions about why the Jedi were good and the Sith were bad.

Nova's answers to those questions were long, complex- and totally not Jedi-Approved.

But Anakin had only seen the equivalent of a remedial course. So all Nova had to do, really, was…

"I just…noticed that a lot of the Younglings were anxious about not being chosen to be someone's Padawan," she says. "I am also concerned, as it seems a lot of you aren't choosing Padawans, even though there's a position open. I understand the Council has a lot to do, and other Jedi are constantly deployed and may not feel ready for the responsibility. However, I also believe if we don't fix the problem of constantly sending Younglings off to the Service Corps in lieu of anything else to do with them- we might end up with a shortage of Jedi Knights."

There's a persistent murmuring around the room at that.

Windu stands and walks into the center of the circular room, calling everyone's attention without so much as a word. Only his presence is needed.

"Someone find me the Consular who assigned this woman to his own class without even consulting the Council, please. As for the concerns of the Padawan, we will have to have a separate meeting about that. And where it concerns your Trial…it will take place today."

"Today, hmm?" Yoda questions. "No time for preparation, she will have."

"I don't need it," she replies. "I've had four years to prepare. I know what the Trials entail. I think I'm so prepared it's actually unfair to other Padawans. Which is probably why Master Windu wants to do this now and not put it off any further."

Master Windu inclines his head to her, acknowledging the point, but not agreeing. "It will be today. In front of the entire Jedi Council. So there can be no doubt as to the legitimacy."

Nova considers this situation in a new light.

General Obi-Wan likely consulted with Grandmaster Yoda before coming to find her. Which means- it's likely that Master Windu already knew, because Yoda would've gone to him as the Master of the Jedi Council to discuss the issue before anything else.

She is bowled over by the idea that not only did kindly Obi-Wan want her to pass her trials, but- that the two most powerful men in the Jedi Order had _conspired_ with him to make certain her ascension was smooth. Without a single point of contention.

And that it's likely Anakin Skywalker went looking for her, specifically to spy upon her and see what she'd been doing with her time. Not only to gather further evidence of her competence and skill, but also to reassure them all that she would make a good Knight to begin with.

Nova felt more angry than grateful. If they were all this savvy and impressive, why hadn't she gotten caught? Even when perusing the darkside holocrons?

She hadn't even sensed General Skywalker's presence when he'd spied upon her. He could've definitely seen her at any other time she wasn't exactly following the rules.

"Are you ready?" General Skywalker asks. Crossing his arms and gesturing with his head toward Master Windu. "Go ahead."

And so Nova steps forward, into the Ring of Jedi Masters. Watching as their eyes close and their fingertips link in their laps. While some bow their heads as if in prayer, others tip theirs back as if to exalt in the Force as one would in fresh water from a spring, raining down upon you from a precipice high above.

She breathes through the strange disorientation of the heavy Force presence in the room. The many minds linking together in unity of purpose. Pressing in on her. Demanding that she submit to the link and allow them inside.

As she had always known this would be necessary to pass her Trials, Nova was ready to allow them to press inside her psyche itself if it meant more freedom.

At one point or another, she had interacted with every Master in the Temple. Every Knight. Every Padawan.

She recognizes their Force energy like she would her own. Because it is everywhere, always. In everything that they touch and everyone they speak to.

A swirl of color, light and sound spins around her, engulfing what few thoughts she has left.


	4. A Trial for Kiles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna mention here before we get into it that the reason I so often mention hallucinations and not knowing what's real is because I myself experience a sort of pseudo-schizophrenia/psychosis where I'm literally not sure if I dreamed a memory or not and sometimes reality seems...kind of off, to me.
> 
> I'm not making fun of mentally ill people or anything, I want you guys to feel safe and understood here. This is just the kind of thing I think someone with my mental illnesses and family background would think in this type of situation.
> 
> (They called me schizo-effective but that was a tentative diagnosis and nobody actually knows what's up with my brain so. XP)

Nova Kiles has ever been an observant sort of person.

When she first arrived in the universe of Jedi and Sith, she knew right away where she was. She saw speeders flying by and droids walking or rolling about and she thought to herself-

(W _ell shit, I guess I did inherit some kind of psychosis from mom's side of the family after all.)_

But this time, when she is somewhere she cannot remember going to- her reaction is different. Probably because she currently has a blaster pointed at her face and she has no time for thoughts at all.

Reacting instinctively, Nova ducks and rolls around to the back side of her attacker and strikes a point between their armor plates-

Very…familiar…armor plates.

She backs away in horror as the Clone Trooper falls and others turn their sights on her.

' _No. No!_ ' Nova shrieked internally. ' _I- wasn't I supposed to have stopped this? Or escaped? Why am I here, why is it happening!?_ '

"Hurry!" another Jedi appears. One of her peers from her days as a Youngling.

Nova's confusion is great, considering they entered the Service Corps- willingly and gleefully. They wanted to be a Jedi Artisan.

The Theelin deflected blaster fire with their lightsaber and grabbed hold of Nova, spiriting her away and defending her as the Clones advanced.

Artisans might have Lightsabers, but Nova is uncertain. ' _Don't Jedi Artisans have another kind of weapon? Or no weapon? Why can't I remember?_ '

Nova assumes it must be the panic stalling her brain and moves as quickly as she can to also cover the Theelin Jedi. Her own lightsaber in her hand-

' _I don't have a lightsaber. Where are my gauntlets?_ '

"Go, go go!" The other Jedi shoves Nova through a hallway and yanks her into a supply closet. "Shh."

Stomping boots that sound strangely faraway but also loud, go right past them. And Nova relaxes into the grip of the Jedi holding her still.

The Theelin rips into the door control and locks it down before turning back to her.

"Something's happened to the Clones, they've all lost their minds! We have to get out of here," they say.

Nova feels a prickle of unease. Not because of the situation but because of how the Jedi is reacting. Too much emotion.

Even a very passionate Theelin Artisan can be trained as a Jedi. And the one that Nova remembers was a quietly enthusiastic person.

' _What was their name?_ ' she wonders, but cannot remember.

"What should we do?" they question. Much quieter, but still with too much expression in their eyes and all over their face.

Nova thinks for a moment before deciding on a course of action. She doesn't know where they are or what's going on, really. But she _thinks_ this is Order 66 and in that case, all they really needed to do was hide.

"We need to ditch our robes and lightsabers…" she trails off and stares down at the lightsaber in her hand. Again a bit unnerved at its existence.

She cannot even recall what color it was when she lit it up earlier to help deflect the shots the Clones were taking at them.

"So we should disguise ourselves? How? We're on a ship filled with Clones," they say. "There's no civilians here and the only officers are well-known."

"We'll take two Clones," Nova says and her stomach twists in a knot. "We can render them unconscious, steal their armor, then sneak away."

"They're trying to kill us," the Theelin says. "Shouldn't we…fight back at full power?"

"If we were to do that, the armor would be damaged," she replies. "And…I don't want to kill them. We're Jedi. We should be able to subdue them without killing."

' _Why am I so concerned about killing them?_ ' she wonders silently to herself. She can't remember why it's so important, but it _is_.

"Alright, I think we can do it. We just have to find a way out of here that won't lead directly-" they cut themselves off and make a hand motion that Nova vaguely recalls as being the signal for 'silence'.

Listening hard, Nova realizes the slight shift of weight outside the closet is from a Clone in full armor. The sound is distinctive.

Nova has always been able to tell noises apart from each other. The commlink on her belt makes a slightly different tone than a meeting table with a commlink installed into it would. The same is true of other things.

Wood, plastic, metal, they all make slightly different sounds when flesh or cloth brushes against them.

And the armor made for the Clones is so different from the rest, that Nova could pick it out in a crowded Cantina.

She knows it's too late to hide from whoever it is.

So she reaches into the door panel and yanks on the ONE wire she needs to send the door sliding open.

What greets her is a strange sight.

A maintenance clone in full armor stands outside the closet with a bucket in his hand as tries and fails to open the door with a button.

She has a moment of staring into his eyes before the Theelin reacts- force pulling him inside the Closet and breaking his neck.

Nova is suddenly so overcome with anger at the Theelin's actions that she ignites her lightsaber.

"Why did you do that!" she demands.

The Theelin looks at her with a blase expression. "He could have exposed us."

"We agreed to take them alive! He's just a maintenance clone, he only wears armor to protect himself in case of boarding!" Not only has the Theelin just killed a Clone, but a harmless one.

It…it _infuriates_ Nova in ways she has never felt before. Fills her up with fire.

"It's just a Clone," the Theelin says. Standing- having the _nerve_ to look confused by Nova's reaction. "I admit I acted hastily, but they are trying to kill us. If we take too many risks, they might succeed."

' _No. No it isn't right. What do they_ _ **mean**_ _"just" a clone?_ ' For some reason that makes her blood boil even more than before.

Her lightsaber has cut the Theelin down before she could even rightly consider stopping.

Soothed, Nova extinguishes her lightsaber and replaces it on her belt.

She takes the armor off of the sadly dead maintenance Clone and fastens it on her person before dragging both bodies out of sight, into a crate in the Closet that likely won't be checked until after she escapes.

Or at least that is her hope.

She marches through the hall, diverting several times to avoid the Clone troopers. They expect maintenance and repair Clones to give them the run of the halls, so it isn't a suspicious movement. And even if her body is a bit strange in the armor, Maintenance Clones are sometimes…different. So they don't really notice.

' _When have I ever interacted with Clones before?_ ' she wonders. She can't remember a single time she was ever on a ship like this before. And yet it is familiar somehow.

' _It must be the shock,_ ' she assures herself. ' _I had to stop a murderer and get away from the Clones before they can kill me. That'd be enough to upset anyone._ '

Nova wonders how the Jedi could let anyone with force powers into their organization. Some peoples' temperaments just weren't suited to the Jedi lifestyle. She doesn't know how, but she knows that some of them would have been better suited to a combat-free training regimen. Wherein they were taught the principles of the Jedi but were left without the skill and precision in battle that could be deadly.

Putting that kind of power into the hands of even the most benign and serene Jedi is a risk. Putting it into _everyone_ 's hands, even moreso.

She is suddenly struck with the thought that the Jedi are irresponsible as much as they are anything else. She remembers some unfavorable opinions she's had of them in the past, but doesn't know where or when they're from. Still, the swirl of negative thoughts make everything crystal clear to her.

The Jedi need to die. It's good that this is happening.

Nova's never been a Jedi. She has always followed the ways of the Je'daii to the best of her ability.

She pauses at that, wondering why she didn't recall that earlier. Startled internally at the feeling of her gauntlets underneath the dead maintenance Clone's black gloves.

Checking her waist, she sees no lightsaber and is confused as to why she believes one should be there to begin with.

What happened just a moment ago when she killed that murderer? Did she use her gauntlets? She must have.

Quickly making her way down to the lower levels where the escape pods would be, Nova stops to consider that an escape pod would alert whoever was on the bridge.

Changing course, she instead takes an elevator and goes straight to the Hangar bay.

She doesn't know how she knows where it is, and that there's ships there she can take without immediately alerting the helm. She just does, so she moves.

When she finally reaches the Hangar, though. Someone is waiting for her.

Darth Vader stands amongst the remnants of the 501st.

' _Wait, no…that isn't right,_ ' Nova thinks. ' _Why isn't that right? Why do I feel like they shouldn't be here?_ '

Vader lifts a hand and she's choking. Choking and moving. He is lifting her off of her feet and pulling her closer and closer.

The 501st are lifting their blasters to point them at her.

"Jedi," Vader breathes. "Did you think I wouldn't sense you?"

She chokes and coughs and grips at her own throat. "N…nnot…jchk. Je...di…"

"Do you think it truly matters what name you call yourself by?" he asks. "If you are not a Jedi, then join me."

He releases her and she falls to the floor spluttering for air and trying to recover enough wherewithal to remember what's going on, what's wrong with this picture and what she should be doing.

"The Rule of Two dictates that there must only be a Master and an Apprentice. But you will not be a Sith Lord. You will be an Inquisitor. Hunting down Jedi until the day your life is extinguished for the glory of the Empire," he says.

That doesn't sound like something Nova would do. But didn't she just kill one herself not long ago? They were a murderer. Maybe other Jedi were the same?

But she didn't want to be a _Sith_ either. Something in Nova shifted and settled and she _knew_ that whatever else was happening here, she did not want to be a Sith.

She breathed and she sat up on her knees, removing the helmet on her head and staring up at Vader. "I'm Je'daii. I am neither Jedi nor Sith. And I will remain neither."

"As you wish," he replies.

And cuts her down in much the same way she killed the Theelin before.

' _Why can I remember that_ _ **now**_?' She wonders. ' _Why aren't I in pain?_ '

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINALLY have an update schedule that works for me. I have like ten chapters ahead written for some stories so that's why you see them so often. On some stories I only have like five ahead so I sprinkle those in more sparsely-- and then you've got the two-offs where I've only got one finished now and finish one later and then shove it into the thing.
> 
> I've got the whole month plotted out, two definite updates every wednesday with space for a third in case I'm in the groove-- two updates of Unwritten every saturday. I wish I could just focus on one or two other side stories the way I can with Unwritten but I think the only reason I'm still able to keep going is BECAUSE of this weird way I do things, so.
> 
> *shrugs*


	5. One Trial Ends, Another Begins

The last vestiges of the vision fade from Nova's mind like a carbon tablet in water.

Slowly, with many little distortions. Images bubbling up here and there before they're resettled into a vague memory of the whole experience.

Nova has never had an experience like it. But it feels similar to waking up from one of her dreams of the Je'daii.

She realizes slowly that this was her Trial of Spirit. That the vision wasn't real, but some amalgamation of her fears and memories.

And that it was all a complete load of crap.

"Awake now, you are?" Yoda's voice startles her.

She sits upon the futon she was lying down on and looks across the room to see him sitting on a circular footrest. Or at least that's what she'd call it if she didn't know that's probably just how his chairs _all_ look.

"Grandmaster Yoda?" she says and feels a slight disorientation.

"Yes," he says. "Over, your trial is."

"Did I pass?" she groans and rubs her face. Feeling very tired all of a sudden.

"Depends on what you say next, it will," he says. "Describe the vision to me. Discuss, we will. What it means for you, and for the Jedi."

Nova knew she couldn't actually describe the whole vision. But of course Yoda would know if she lied. So she decided on a half-truth.

"There was an attack," she says. "We were betrayed from within, but I didn't hate them. They had reasons. Good reasons. But they still wanted to kill me and other Jedi. We'd done something to them, maybe. I met another Jedi and we agreed to subdue some of them, take their armor and sneak out. But when one surprised us, they killed them."

Nova takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "I was so angry at them. I killed them for what they'd done. But I didn't kill them because I was angry. And I felt nothing once they were dead." She cups her hands in her lap. "I killed them because they had failed to uphold the promise we'd made, but even moreso because they didn't seem to _care_. And then I took the armor from the dead soldier and I tried to leave. But there was…someone waiting for me at the end of my escape route. I think he was a Jedi who hated other Jedi."

She couldn't just say 'sith' and expect him not to…somehow notice something. He gave her vibes. A lot of vibes.

Yoda listens to her story, unmoving and without expression.

"He told me I could join him," she says. "But I said I couldn't. I wasn't one of them- the Jedi I'd killed, I didn't belong to the same…group. The same type. But I also didn't belong in _his_ group."

Yoda nods when she looks to him, reassuring her and telling her to go on.

"In my final moments before his saber took my head- I felt at peace. I hadn't compromised myself for my goals. Even if I failed, I was still myself and had done no objective wrong. I had killed a murderer before they could go on a spree and I had refused to join the side hunting me even though I had no compunction about killing that Jedi. I just felt like there were reasons I did what I did. That none of it was wrong. No matter what I might've felt or saw or experienced- the actions I took were justified and only right, for some reason."

"Agree with the self in your dreams, you do not?" he questions her.

She bites her lip. "Now that I have more clarity, I agree with her more than ever. The people who'd betrayed us were first betrayed _by_ us. To kill them was not only to prove them correct about us, it was heaping abuse of power on top of an already steaming pile of injustice."

Nova knew it would be basically impossible to pass now, her opinions were too extreme. But she refused to lie.

"I feel like the anger I felt in the dream wasn't…right, somehow. It felt like it was coming from somewhere else. I think I kept trying to break through the vision and it kept rejecting my consciousness," she explains.

Yoda nods and taps his chin with a single fingertip. "Strong, your will must be. Break free, you almost did. Against senior members of the Jedi Order. Most wise and powerful, they are."

"It wasn't willpower," she said and looked down at her hands. They tightly gripped each other in her lap. "I'm just too analytical. The vision didn't want me to remember my own memories. I didn't like that. I needed to remember for context. So I fought to remember. That's all."

He makes that hm-hm-hm-hmmm sound. "What is willpower, young Jedi? The decision to fight against what holds you down, it is not. The need for answers, freedom and safety, it is."

Nova doesn't really understand what he means, but she doesn't ask.

' _He'd likely only answer in Jedi platitudes, anyhow,_ ' she thinks.

"What you were doing in the dream, we must analyze," Yoda says. "Not only running and hiding, were you."

Nova thought about that for a moment and then replied, "no. Not just trying to run or hide. I killed the other Jedi because they were corrupt. Not darkside. Just bad. And when I went through the ship hallways, I wasn't afraid of the soldiers. I was afraid that I might have to hurt them to survive. And I didn't want to, so I avoided them. When I met the Jedi who hated the other Jedi…I didn't hide or run. I faced him head on and stood by my principles. But I don't know what that's supposed to mean."

"Hm," he grunts. "Faced with evil, you were. Stood against it in all its forms, you did. Escaping with a Jedi comrade would have been easier. But refuse, you did- to allow your principles to be bent or broken. Aware of the situation and all its twists and turns, you were. The soldiers had grievances, and notice them you did. Gave them importance and respect. Respected life, you did, but could not allow callous murder of the soldiers. Impartial, you were."

Nova frowns. The only times 'impartial' were ever used back in her own universe, it meant something…unflattering. The actual definition was swept aside in favor of something else.

Impartial is supposed to mean that you see lies and subterfuge for what they are and make a decision based upon those facts. But people had slowly twisted it to mean 'seeing both sides of the issue equally' even if one side was absolutely, _provably_ wrong.

"I guess," she acknowledges his words but doesn't go further than that. Either way he meant it, it doesn't really matter.

She's actually pretty surprised no one's screeched 'Sith!' or 'Darkside!' or something similar at her and started beating her with a stick yet. Or a lightsaber.

"Passed, I think you have," Yoda says. Then smiles a little. "Jedi Investigator, you wished to be, yes?"

Nova blinks. "I…I passed? But I. I murdered a Jedi. And died. And _murdered a Jedi_."

Yoda's eyes close and he hums, nodding slowly. "That you did, yes. Your death was accepted. Rare is the Jedi who does not fear Death, so young. A word for killing someone for no reason, 'murder' is. Death, justice sometimes requires. But avoided killing you did, until your hand was forced."

She doesn't really think her hand was 'forced' but she can agree that there weren't a whole lot of other options. Intellectually she knows she likely should've 'sucked it up' and worked with the Jedi to survive. But morally, the very idea of such a thing was horrendous.

"What boon would you ask, I wonder?" Yoda asks. "Four years you have languished, what could we do to undo this injustice, hm?"

Nova is so shocked by the very idea that this is basically an _apology_ and an offer to make _amends_ that she stares at Yoda for a few moments, completely silent and wide-eyed.

"I…you…you can't… _undo_ the past," she stutters. "I just…I wanted some operational freedom. To go places and talk to people and…and…for people to _listen_ to me when I say that something about the Jedi doesn't make sense."

"Something confuses you," he says.

"Everything," she breathes. Feeling so twisted up and thrown around that she can't really help the brutal honesty. "The Code says nothing about most of the things we do, and yet we do them and when asked, we parrot 'the code demands it' like it's an answer. But it's not. If I were allowed to become an investigator, my chosen post would be here, on Coruscant."

"Ferret out Jedi Corruption, you would?" he asks her.

She bites her lip. "…yes. The Jedi, the Senate, all the way up to the Chancellor and down to the common Thugs in the Street, if I could."

He nods. "A fitting post, it will be."


	6. Her Own Kind of Celebration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY I left this chapter as a draft from ten a.m. this morning till five p.m. because I forgot to hit post. Oh my god.

Nova's experience with impromptu parties is basically nil.

But Anakin Skywalker refused to let her Knighthood go uncelebrated and Obi-Wan is an enabling fussbudget and so there they were a few hours ago, enjoying drinks at a Cantina just down the street from the Temple.

Talking about what comes next and what her appointment as an Investigator assigned to ferret out Jedi Corruption would mean.

And the entire time, she was completely lost.

Nova had spent nine years slowly losing hope. Losing faith, in the Jedi. And then four years after that, certain of her assessment of things.

Now she has to reexamine everything she thought she knew. Beginning with the High Council.

She assumed that because they were in charge, they must know everything that was going on. And also that they had approved, or else it would have been rectified long before now. But based upon what she saw while in the Council meeting and what she felt afterward when everyone acknowledged her passing grade…

Something strange was happening.

Yoda, Windu and Kenobi definitely had something up their sleeves and while Skywalker may have been involved- she was uncertain if he knew _why_ they had done all this for her. For him it may have been the simple need to right a wrong.

The party didn't last long, but even if it had, Nova would not have stayed. She is not a 'party' person. Her comfort zone was incredibly small and she was terribly picky about what was allowed into it.

So after receiving congratulations from the Knight and his Master, she left, and did not realize her footsteps were leading her back to the temple until she stopped at the front doors.

She decides, while standing here at the threshold that…she doesn't want to go back to her room. She wants to _do_ something. So she turns and walks back down the front steps, hanging a left and walking around the temple in order to find the Training grounds set up right outside.

What she finds there is surprising.

Nova knew that the Clones were likely staying close by on Coruscant, as their Jedi Generals were here. But she did not expect to see the most prominent members of the 501st on the training grounds. _Playing_.

And that is what they were doing, make no mistake. Nova smiled at the way Fives tackled Jesse, who'd been taunting him with strange hand signals for some reason.

The boys brawled in that way brothers always do and Nova found herself drifting closer, around the edges of the temple. Attempting to avoid being seen.

She failed when she happened to smack sideways into someone she didn't realize was there.

"Oh!" she stumbled and grasped onto the person, intending to keep them both from falling- but he also grasped at her and they ended up tangling up in an awkward fashion. Her hands gripping his upper arms and his on her waist. "Sorry, I didn't-"

"Sorry General, I-" the voice was familiar- as all Clones' voices are familiar.

She looked up and even as they stepped away from each other, she studied him with awe. Because though she had absolutely met Anakin and Obi-Wan as well as Yoda and Mace Windu before…she had never had the pleasure of bumping into any of the members of the 501st that she could possibly recognize.

And while Nova had not been a terribly big fan of the Clones when she was a teenager, watching the Clone Wars for the first time…well. She'd always _liked_ them. And it had intensified over time as she realized what sort of position they were in.

"Sorry sir," he says to her. "We'll get out of your way, so you can use the grounds."

"You don't have to go anywhere," she reached out before she could think, to catch his elbow as he was sidling away. "I can't possibly use the entire grounds by myself."

He coughs and straightens up as her hand falls from his arm. "If you think so. Jedi are…well, you tend to move around a lot, sir."

"Sure," she says and then smiled softly with a slight edge to it. "But that wouldn't be a problem if we were training _together_ , would it?"

"No, sir, I don't see a problem with that at all," Captain Rex says stiffly and at attention.

"At ease captain," she says with a slightly more amused smile. "I just wanted to watch them play around a little. I was going to let off some steam, but I don't think I need to anymore."

He doesn't exactly relax, but he isn't quite so tightened up when she stands beside him to watch the other Clones.

It's escalated a bit. Jesse and Fives are now sparring, full-contact instead of just wrestling around. And two other clones off to the side, just watch while shooting the breeze and nudging each other.

Nova considers them for a moment and decides, ' _Hardcase and Echo._ ' She recognizes the tattoo on Hardcase…and Echo still has that handprint on his armor.

A shiver of unease goes down her spine when she recalls the death of their other brothers, Cutup and Hevy.

' _I could've done something about that,_ ' she thinks.

"You alright sir?" Rex calls softly to her.

She jolts back into a straight posture and glances aside at him with a smile. "I'm…supposed to get a Trooper Legion soon."

"Never had one before?" he asks. Oddly this revelation seems to make him more relaxed.

Nova thinks on it a moment but can't figure out why. "No. Just got Knighted this morning. And then got dragged to the Cantina down the street to celebrate this afternoon. I never saw General Skywalker as the party type."

"Heh," Rex huffs a little bit like he's holding back laughter. "If I know anything about the General, it's that he's full of surprises. Got any idea what Legion you're pullin' from?"

"I don't really…want any of the legions," I say. "I don't want to take them from their…current familial units."

"Oh, well," he seems flustered at that remark. Confused or surprised or both. "You could always get them right out of their training."

Nova breathes slowly and crosses her arms. "Yeah. I guess I could. I just wish I could…" She shakes her head and continues. "Anyway. Would you mind sparring with me, Captain?"

The Captain readjusts his posture again, into what it was before and Nova gives him an amused glance as he speaks. "No, sir!"

"Alright, then lets tell your brothers to clear an area for us," she says and begins walking languidly toward the squad members messing around on the Training grounds.

Rex trotted ahead of her and had a small conversation with Echo and Hardcase as she approached. They both stiffened their backs, though Hardcase less so than Echo or Rex. And they called out to their other brothers.

Nova allowed them to have their asides and watched with amusement as they all darted to the sidelines, except for Rex, who was left in the middle of the grounds. Looking like he was braced for impact.

She wonders if Jedi have been sparring with their Clones the way that Jedi do, and not the way that soldiers do. And steps close enough to speak and be heard but not close enough to be signaling an attack.

"I've never sparred with a soldier before. Do you fight the same way Jedi do?" she asks. Tilting her head and smiling a bit wider when the stance of the Captain before her relaxed a bit.

"We can spar Jedi, but we fight each other a bit different," he says.

"Teach me?" she asks.

And so he does. And it is glorious.

She is defeated. Again. And again. And again. Until she is aching and throbbing and filled with humility and it. Is. _Magnificent_.

Nova refuses to use the Force. She doesn't want to hurt Rex but even more than that, she wants to learn his technique. And the Force is sometimes a crutch which can degrade ones' technique. That's why she always practices her martial art forms so diligently.

They seem to mean less than nothing when faced with years of combat experience, dirty tactics and a body that is at least twice as strong as hers.

She's usually good at using an opponents' own weight and strength against them, but from the way Rex is fighting, she thinks perhaps he is too. He knows all the moves she might make to counter him and somehow moves out of the way before she can make them.

The others on the sidelines are silent at first, and even seem shocked and appalled when she loses the first time.

But when she sits up, blinking dazedly only to grin and leap back to her feet- they seem to lose some of their rigidity.

"You've gotta set him off balance, General!" one of them shouts and from the earnest tone, Nova thinks it's likely Echo.

She focuses her attacks on his legs and then his sides and then his head but nothing she does actually seems to have any effect and each time she switches gears she only gets in a glancing blow before she's on the ground again.

At this point she's just going down, flipping back up, punching or kicking at him and then getting thrown back down to start the cycle again.

Eventually it starts getting easier to land blows and she steps back, gasping for air. Rex watches her with a keen gaze. Not even remotely ruffled, even though she can tell he's tiring.

Nova could likely keep fighting like this for a while longer. Her endurance is one of the first things the Masters in the Temple worked on with her, as she had _none_ when she first arrived.

Her breathing settles and she grins widely as she executes a bow to the Captain. "Thank you."

"Ah, you're welcome, General," he replies. His eyebrows are a bit pinched, but he has a pleasant enough look on his face. "We should probably go and find General Skywalker now."

She nods in response, still sporting her grin as she turns and leaves the training grounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh right I forgot to put this note here. If you wanna see what Padawan Kiles/Newly Knighted Kiles looks like, then go here:  
> https://unrealromance.tumblr.com/post/637074484100202496/padawannewly-knighted-general-kiles


	7. A New Responsibility

One of the things that Nova asked for from Yoda was a bit strange and required the approval of the whole High Council…but the War had made them all leery of their Knights running out simply because no one had the time to train new ones.

So when she came back from getting her ass kicked by Rex on the training grounds and Mace Windu appeared at her new room in the Temple- she had to sit down for a bit.

Approved almost as soon as it was suggested, and again Nova felt that she'd been somehow used. That Yoda and Windu and Kenobi had somehow seen this coming, prepared for it.

She didn't know how to feel about that. But she did know she had to start working on a curriculum for the new course.

It would, in all honesty- not be a real class. It would instead be an Evaluation. Each and every Youngling of suitable age who had not been chosen to become a Padawan by anyone yet would be Evaluated. If they were advanced enough for Padawan status, they would then be sent on missions with Jedi Overseers who did not have to take on the title of 'Master'.

This way the number of Knights would inevitably go up, the Jedi order would get stronger and none of the current masters would be forced to take responsibility for a Padawan before they felt ready to do so.

The Younglings that Nova has taught all along are excited for her new class. The youngest of them don't get to come to this class, but they will all end up there eventually.

Those who have never known her as 'Big sister' are not quite so enthused. At first, it's only a general confusion and the usual Jedi-trained apathy.

But when Nova begins to talk to them about how she plans to teach them about their 'inner darkness', suddenly it's too much to bear.

A small herd of Younglings leave her class, calling for someone, anyone- terrified and shrieking. Well, maybe that's a _slight_ exaggeration, but not by much.

Nova just sighs and turns to the rest of the class. Most of them already hers, some of them a bit befuddled by both sides of this strange happening.

"Don't worry about it. If they'd stayed for another minute, they'd have heard the explanation but since they decided to high-tail it," she says. "How about I just explain it to you guys first?"

The Younglings nodded almost in unison and the sight of the uniformity damn near broke her heart.

"Okay, so the first thing you have to know is that Darkness is already within you," she says.

The teens and pre-teens look a little frightened in some places and confused in others.

"See, Light and Darkness have to exist in all beings and all things in order for them to exist. Grass is filled with life, but it must eventually wither and die the same as we do. Darkness is entropy, but that entropy isn't always a bad thing," she explains. "And having too much purity and rigidity in you can lead to some problems, as well. If you're too 'light side' to think for yourself, you'll end up committing heinous acts in the name of righteousness."

"The light side isn't evil!" one of the Younglings says loudly. A Twi'lek with grayish blue skin. "What are you talking about!?"

"Anything can be evil if you have too much of it," she replies. "Eat too much candy and you might go into sugar shock or develop a disease. A drop of poison can be medicine and too much medicine can kill you. It's a simple fact of life. And the light side is no different. The other Jedi here have taught you differently because they don't sense the corruption within themselves. They sense only the 'light' and assume that this must be alright."

Nova hadn't planned to go quite this far in her explanations so soon, but if she was going to be declared a darksider and thrown out, it needed to happen sooner rather than later.

' _Would I be sent to jail, exiled, killed or just sent to the Service Corps?_ ' she wonders.

"Excuse me," a voice that is both familiar and unfamiliar comes from the open doorway.

Something about it tickles at Nova's mind, but she doesn't really remember who it belongs to until she looks up and sees the Kel Dor Jedi.

' _Plo Koon?_ ' she thought in confusion.

He was there for her knighting but he seemed subdued the whole time. And here he was, in her doorway…with a bunch of younglings behind him.

She sighed and gestured him in. "Do come in, Master Plo Koon."

He nodded his head once, slowly and stepped inside. "Would you mind too terribly if I were to sit in on your lesson today?"

Nova has always somewhat admired Master Plo Koon, but it's always been from a distance. He's kind, level-headed and actually seems to have emotions on occasion, unlike much of the Jedi Order. The only people even remotely comparable are the conspirators who got her Knighted and maybe a handful of others.

And while there are other force user orders on other planets and he was supposedly part of the order of the Baran Do- their ways didn't seem all that different from the Jedi.

And the Jedi don't seem to suffer the existence of Dark Side orders like the Witches of Dathomir- so the only reason _they're_ still around is probably because their existence is mostly reclusive and secret.

"Go ahead and have a seat," she tells him as she turns back to the younglings. "Now. Can anyone tell me some negative aspects of the light, and positive aspects of the dark? I'm guessing you can't, but I just wanna make sure."

The children all looked at Master Plo Koon.

He nodded his head very gravely. "Indeed, they would not be able to tell you. To speak of such things is considered Taboo in the Jedi Order."

The Younglings who ran off all seem twice as worried about Nova now. They glance between him and her as he kneels on the floor before her. Then follow his example with very uncomfortable expressions on their faces.

Nova sighs. "Which is exactly the problem. The Jedi just parrot the code and talk about balance without even understanding what they're supposed to be balancing."

"Inner Balance is something central to the Jedi Code," Plo Koon says. "But in truth I feel the Baran Do have a better understanding of it. I have tried to discuss this with my colleagues…but very few of them will even entertain the discussion. It is good that you are having these conversations now."

Nova stares at him for a moment before inclining her head in agreement. "Yeah. They're afraid of what it means. Not knowing the answer to a question they think everyone else does. They let their fear guide them. Which is kind of against the whole spirit of the Jedi Code, but nobody reprimands them because _everyone else_ feels that way too."

Plo Koon nods slowly. "While the Jedi High Council may have a few members that embrace these truths, there are still far more who do not. It will be helpful to increase the number of Knights who may one day become masters, who understand these things."

' _Oh…that's what they're doing this for_ ,' Nova thinks to herself. She's had an epiphany that doesn't totally make her want to murder, for once. But maybe a little. A little murder.

Because you see, Nova has just figured it out. The reason for everything that's happened to her since she got here and the answer is 'The Force'.

Also 'those jackhole Jedi' but mostly 'The Force'.

' _These dipshits had visions about me,_ ' she thinks. ' _About what I'd do and that if I don't do it, it'll mean death for the Jedi. Or something like that. And because of it, they either left me to stew for four years or scooped me up immediately to use as they please._ '

Nova decides that _when_ the visions happened is a moot point. If it _weren't_ four years ago, it didn't really matter because if they had the chance to leave her in a hole for four years because the _Force_ told them to, they would. And that is what is engendering the teeny-tiny bit of murder in her thoughts right now.

And the reason she can't feel completely murderous is that if she had foreseen the doom of everyone she's ever known and even remotely cared for, she'd likely do whatever it took to forestall it, too.

Still, she feels a bit sour about the fact that nobody has deigned to consult with her, so she gives Plo Koon an unimpressed look at these revelations and says, "gee it sure is a shame that literally nobody else could do it. In the many, many years I wasn't here and did not exist. Or even in the years I was a Youngling and then a Padawan. Sure is sad how apparently even the people who saw the issues somehow couldn't possibly manage it."

"The force works in mysterious ways," he says.

"Yet another oft-repeated buzz-phrase," she rebuts. "The Force might've wanted someone to do it all along and they just waited until it would be their ultimate ruin- so the Force had to warn them, isn't that sad? That the Force so often tries to give people autonomy and they spit on it in favor of making it do all the work in thinking for them?"

The Younglings' eyes are bulging as they watch the conversation. They might be kids, but they know _something_ isn't right here.

Plo Koon inclines and tilts his head as if he's thinking about that really hard. "An interesting interpretation of the will of the Force."

"If the Force is part of everything and everyone, it likely doesn't play favorites," she says. " _Meaning_ that when it does give you a warning it's either because you're particularly beloved for some reason- which as I said is extremely unlikely -or the devastation that will be caused is so great it might actually _Wound_ the force. And either way, you should probably take some steps to fix things before it has to bail you out."

"What if the things you do just make things worse?" one of the Younglings finally bursts. "Doesn't the Force make sure you always make the right choice?"

"The Force sometimes tells people to die because it'll create a less tangled mess than if they'd lived," she tells them. "And it's not for your own good. It's for the good of the entire Galaxy and everything in it. But selflessness _needs_ to be balanced against selfishness because neglect of the self is also neglect of the Force within you."

The rest of class time was spent in lively debates that would span the entirety of the Jedi Order from their policy on Attachment to the many shades of beige they're allowed to wear and how boring that is.

Nova doesn't mention the outfit she wears when she goes to the lower levels of Coruscant. The black, silver and dark purple ensemble one of her greatest secrets. She knows that if any Jedi were to see her in it, they'd think she was a Sith just for the _aesthetic_. Which she thinks is complete nonsense. Liking bright colors doesn't mean you're going to murder someone. 

And when Nova went back to her room that day, she slept for fourteen hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nova's 'other' outfit for the lower levels of Coruscant, for those of you who didn't see it before:  
> https://unrealromance.tumblr.com/post/637074484100202496/padawannewly-knighted-general-kiles


	8. Pushy Generals and Reluctant Knights

It didn't take long at all for the Council to decide that it was time for Nova to get her own Legion.

Apparently it didn't matter that she'd prefer to stay on Coruscant and investigate corruption in the Jedi Order and Senate- they wanted her leading men on the front lines, too. And because it was a majority of the High Council making that noise, it's not like she could say no.

She didn't know what to do. She honestly didn't want any Troopers. Knowing what she did about them and having been given years to think on it, she didn't see the difference in having a Trooper Legion and having a Slave Army.

There _is_ no difference. Not really. But everyone pretends there is. It drives her up the wall and leaves her awake in bed at night.

"They're making you get a Legion already?" General Skywalker seems surprised when she tells him about it. "It's likely you're going to have to go to Kamino. We've been taking heavy casualties lately, so all that's gonna be available are-"

"Will you take me?" she asks, suddenly and on a whim. "You can bring Ahsoka. And maybe Rex? He'd know what he's talking about when it comes to clones."

He hums and thinks about it for a moment. "There aren't any big operations coming up in the next two weeks, so I can afford to take the time off and show you around Kamino. Why Ahsoka?"

"She's your Padawan," she replied. "You should be taking her everywhere, right?"

"Yeah…" he says slowly.

She almost feels like she got it wrong for a moment. As if something went horribly horribly wrong and somehow Ahsoka wasn't his Padawan, or perhaps wasn't _yet_ -

"I just don't know how I'm gonna keep an eye on her _and_ show you around," he says. "Ahsoka can be…" he rubs the back of his neck and glances away. "A handful."

"You say that like you're not," she quips with a slight smirk.

He rolls his eyes. "I've heard that joke every day since I _got_ her. If I was really this bad, I suddenly feel like I should apologize to Master."

It strikes Nova as cute that he still calls Master Kenobi 'Master' with no other epithets. Most of the Jedi she's encountered seem to call their former masters 'Master' and their name or something like a title they won in battle. But with General Skywalker it's like he never became a Knight. He's still his Masters' Padawan.

"I think it's less that you're bad, and more that you're repeating the same pattern as you and Ob- Master Kenobi," she tells him. Stumbling over the usage of the proper titles. So strange how easy it is to forget, even after all this time, that they are real and she is a Jedi. "Instead of treating her like a nuisance, you should trust her to look after herself. If she feels like you have confidence in her, she'll have to 'prove herself' a lot less."

General Skywalker thinks about that for a moment. "You don't think she'd just get worse?"

"If you were given some slack back when you were a Padawan, what would you have done?" she asks.

He blows air through his lips in a fashion that implies much but says little. "Gone wild?"

"Would you really?" she asks. "Or is that just how everyone else thinks you'd react? When given freedom, we do tend to get our 'wild' on for a bit, but then we settle. Giving Ahsoka the opportunity to settle would be good for her development. Not just as a Jedi, but as a child who is slowly going to grow into an adult."

"How do you know so much about kids?" he asks in return.

"I had siblings, before," she replies. Attempting to keep her eyes on her datapad. "They mostly took care of themselves. All I had to do was watch them like a hawk and remind them to be careful sometimes."

"I'm…sorry," he says with a crestfallen expression on his face.

Nova huffs slightly and her lips quirk in a sardonic smile. "It's not like they ever appreciated anything I did, or liked me at all. There were people who tolerated me in my old life before the Jedi. But that's about it."

"Why watch them so closely if you didn't like each other?" he asks with a confused twist in his brow.

She glances up at him with an expression that is despairing and aggravated at the same time. "A Jedi asking that question is far more alarming than anyone else who could've possibly done so, you know that right? 'Why watch children and keep them safe, even if you're not close?' is what you just asked me."

General Skywalker coughs into his fist and looks away. Flushing slightly. "I uh…yeah I didn't mean it that way. I've only ever had a stepsibling and we met when we were…older."

' _Oh, that's right. He actually got to meet his stepbrother in this universe,_ ' Nova thinks to herself. ' _But he was an only child until he was…what, a teenager? That must've been weird for him._ '

"Anyway, I think it's a great idea," he says after clearing his throat. "So I'll just grab Ahsoka and call Rex and we'll meet you in the hangar bay?"

She blinks and clutches the datapad to her chest as if it will protect her. "T-…Today?"

"Unless you've got some other pressing engagement?" he asks with amusement in both his tone and eyes.

"No, not really, I was just…thinking that I was bringing it up for _later-_ like _in a few days_ later?" she says. Obviously not ready at all, but trying valiantly to appear as though she is the readiest there has ever been.

"Come on, it'll be a fun little trip," he says. "You get to meet your new soldiers, pick out a Commander and Captain- but only if someone impresses you right off the bat. You can always request more experienced soldiers to transfer in from other Legions that already have high-ranking clones in them."

Nova felt a bit ill just thinking about it but smiled as if her stomach _weren't_ rebelling against her and nodded. "Sure. Let's go."

General Skywalker nods and smiles. "You'll need to keep in mind the kind of traits you want in a trooper. Obi-Wan's Legion and My Legion are mostly infantry types. But there are black ops and ordnance and even specialized weapon users. You need to figure out what your most basic strategy is and then work off of that."

While her stomach fell down to her feet, Nova said nothing in return. She only nodded and followed him out of the common eating area where they'd been discussing everything over breakfast. They both have odd eating schedules, so the fact that they synced up today was strange but also bound to happen sometime.


	9. Venting and Compromise

General Skywalker is not used to being denied his whims, that is all too clear to Nova after being shuffled aboard a ship not an hour and a half after asking for his help.

The Council doesn't let him do _whatever_ he wants, but it's a fairly near thing. As long as he's still the most effective and dangerous warrior they have, they can't limit much of what he does.

' _Also, there's the chosen one thing,_ ' Nova thinks. ' _They're pulling the same shit with me. I'll bet they had some vague vision about something to do with me and now they're just- just letting shit take its course and not even thinking of possible repercussions._ '

It angers her, but so long as it means she also has freedom while she's apparently supposed to do something, she'll take it.

Being an Investigator means she has money in the budget for buying more than just the bare necessities needed for war. So she has an advanced, but not top of the line, datapad.

Buying top of the line is just asking to get a pretty but nonfunctional piece of hardware. You have to buy from one of the little guys whose entire identity and livelihood is wrapped up in quality assurance. Or at least that's what Nova's always believed. But she has no idea where she learned that.

She flicks through its many slicing apps to pass the time before she'll have to eventually go to sleep. The trip itself is going to take five days at a minimum. That's if they encounter no trouble and go the fastest they can for the whole trip.

Slicing the ships' systems is much more difficult than she thought it was going to be. She'd asked permission before trying, as some people don't like their tech fiddled with, even if all the person is doing is testing a 'firewall' so to speak.

General Skywalker had seemed very confident when he told her she was welcome to try.

"General?"

Nova blinks at the datapad once instead of jumping like she might've before her Jedi training. She looks up and sees Captain Rex standing in the cockpit.

"What is it, Captain?" she asks.

He clears his throat. "I eh…I'm supposed to do frequent checks to make sure we're not going off-course."

She smiles and glances at the pilot's seat- which is open. "Don't mind me, Captain."

He nods stiffly and walks over to sit in the pilot's seat. Also stiffly.

"Are my men going to be as afraid of me as you are?" Nova asks. A slightly flickering widening of her eyes and a flinch in her fingers around her datapad tell of the thought that went behind the question.

Which was exactly none.

"Afraid, General?" Rex gave her a look like he couldn't comprehend the question to begin with. "I'm not afraid of you."

"You act like it," Nova says, deciding to lean into the skid.

"I…am simply respectful of our respective ranks, sir," he says.

"Yeah…that's one of the reasons I'm not looking forward to this," she says and turns her chair to look straight. "I don't…like being above people. Being a leader doesn't have to mean people are on edge around you. You're supposed to put them at ease. They're supposed to know they can trust you."

"You don't want a Clone Legion?" he asks. "That can't be the only reason. Do you disapprove of the war?"

"Well yes," she replies. "I disapprove of creating a Clone army to die in place of citizens because you think clones are less people than non-clones. I disapprove of not allowing planets to peacefully leave the Republic because it's their choice and free will is a virtue I was told the Republic _protects_. And I don't approve of the idea that Jedi are natural and perfect generals just because they've passed their knight trials, either."

It all came pouring out and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

"I also hate the separatists, so no worries about me being a traitor or anything," she says. "But I have no choice here. I either become a Knight investigator and enjoy relative freedom while also being forced to do things against every iota of moral code I have in my body- or I join the Corps and am forced to farm for the rest of my life or something, which I'm not suited to and would be miserable doing. No offense to farmers, they're great. Not to mention that if I go be a farmer or something, I can't _do_ anything about the bad things that are happening and I'd just be another enabler, watching shit happen and-"

"You need to breathe, General," he soothes her with a low voice. "It's going to be alright. I know from an outside perspective, all of this seems terrifying. For you it's…different reasons. But once you've got your Legion, you'll feel differently. Everyone always does. It's the first thing we're taught when we start learning about the Jedi."

Nova frowns at this and glances aside at him. "What do you mean?"

"Jedi can be cold sometimes, especially at first," he replies. "It's just your way. But to anyone who doesn't know about the code, it can be…difficult. So they taught us not to take it personally."

"Does it not strike you as fucked up that they could just teach the Jedi to be more personable instead?" she asks and then drops her head into her hands, elbows on her thighs. "Whatever, I can't tell you how to feel about this. That's up to you. But the fact that you can't choose to leave the war without being executed for going AWOL means you're not given a choice. And that goes against everything I believe in. But also if I leave, I'm walking away from a situation where I might gain the influence to change the circumstances. So. Rock and a hard place."

There is a protracted silence as the Captain stares out the viewscreen and seems lost in thought while Nova continues to be miserable in silence.

' _I shouldn't say all this to_ _ **him**_ _. God, I'm whining about my moral code to the guy who is literally brainwashed and enslaved. I am never doing this again. Should I apologize? Would he hate that?_ ' Nova wonders silently in a panic. ' _It all just came gushing out! It's like my powers are working in reverse!_ '

But then the Captain turns back to her and leans forward, forearms on his thighs, hands clasped together. "So, save them."

She lifts her head and blinks in confusion. "Huh?"

"You've probably got the safest job there is," he says. "Among Jedi who have access to a Legion and command over them, you're the one that will have the least casualties, even if you do get involved in the war. If you're so morally opposed because you don't want to ask someone to die for you and you think they wouldn't choose it if they had any other option…then take them back to Coruscant and put them to work in relative safety. And when you _do_ get involved in the war, at least you know more survived with _you_ than they would have with anyone else."

Nova stares at him for a long moment. "…but you don't believe anything I believe about the Republic and their treatment of you guys."

He seems a bit surprised that she knows this, as if he isn't quite used to Jedi and their strange ways of simply knowing things. "I don't. It's everything I want. Everything I was made for. If you personally believe that I'm being exploited, I can't exactly stop you from thinking that. But I can sympathize with your problem and give you a solution."

' _Oh god that's like some linebacker wound up and rammed their shoulder right in my gut,_ ' Nova thinks. ' _Even saying the words "I was made for" and he's still so indoctrinated it didn't even make him flinch._ '

Nova sighs. "I guess I can't expect more than that. I still wish you'd fight for more, though."

"More, sir?" he asks.

"Clones aren't really allowed to go out and have families," she replies. "It's not illegal or anything, but you're not really given full leave. Your Jedi determine when you're off and where. What planet, on what week. If this were a traditional war with a non-clone army, you'd be able to at least choose where your leave was."

"Well," he says. "I won't deny that going home to Kamino to see the new Cadets every few years would be great. But if I'm gone and something happens to General Skywalker…I'd never forgive myself."

"So train someone to trade out with you," she says. "There should be more than one 'Captain' to begin with. You should be going in shifts. What about Fives and Echo? I'd heard you and General Skywalker were all close. Do you trust them with his life?"

The Captain seems uncomfortable with the question. So much so that Nova almost retracts it before he responds.

"Of course I do. I just don't want them to have to make the kind of choices I do."

And that is all that is said, for quite a while.


	10. Cast Aside

In order to get Anakin to 'unclench', Nova insisted that he take Ahsoka to see the Cadets. This would also have the secondary purpose of showing Ahsoka the sweet, innocent children and what they're being taught.

' _Though she may not see anything wrong with it right now, as she herself was taught to fight from a young age…_ ' Nova thinks to herself with an internal grumble.

Later it'd be good for her to remember it. And that's why Nova is currently alone with a Kaminoan and Captain Rex.

"This is the latest batch," the Kaminoan guide leads us toward a mess hall where a bunch of Clones are sitting around, shooting the shit.

Nova knows that some day, she will no longer be a Jedi. It's inevitable that whether Order 66 goes through or not, she will at some point reach the limit of what she is willing to compromise on for her own safety and the safety of the people she cares for.

Having a Legion is pretty much Crossing her line. But since Rex started talking about keeping them from worse circumstances, she started thinking that this is a good opportunity to start dissension in the ranks and get the Clones questioning their place in the army. Though she doesn't know if it's possible with all their brainwashing.

But at best, she could hope for a civil war and all that would accomplish is killing more Clones.

So she's come to another conclusion.

"Where are the…" she sighs. "'Defectives'?"

"They are most likely in their barracks, waiting to clean up after lunch," the Kaminoan says without batting a single eyelash.

"You're part of the skilled labor caste, right?" she asks him. "Why are you showing me around? That's usually either administration for high ranking Jedi or lower ranked castes for random Jedi, isn't it?"

He bows his head slightly in agreement. "As a newly minted Jedi, you would ordinarily rank lower, but as you are also now a General, you require higher respects. Administration decided that I would show the proper respect without overstating your importance in the Jedi hierarchy."

Nova nods to herself and sighs. "Do you like your caste?"

He blinks. "Like it?"

"Do you think gray eyes really make one more suited to Administration and yellow to Skilled Labor?" she asks. "Don't worry about this getting back to anyone, I'm just curious about whether or not everyone agrees."

He blinks and glances slowly around the area, looking for onlookers and anyone that might overhear. He then looks back at her. "I believe the opportunity for…upward motion would be most welcome. And motivating."

She nods in agreement. "Sure, if you can work your way up instead of being stuck, people might work harder, right? Would you want to go all the way up to the top, or is there some Caste below you that you might be better suited for if it weren't beneath your current Caste?"

His lids flutter. "I am…perfectly suited to the work I am doing now. But I have often…admired military rank. And how it does not change who you are, but how you are regarded."

Nova realizes at this point that she's doing it again.

She hisses through her teeth, "I'm so sorry. I'm still trying to learn how not to use persuasion in the Force. You can forget this conversation happened and I won't tell anyone. But I'd really like to see all the 'defective' clones you have on Kamino."

Mentally kicking herself as the Kaminoan seems to grasp what she's implying- she follows him as he nervously leads the way back to the maintenance barracks.

She steps back a few paces though, so he won't feel crowded.

"You're a Knight, aren't you?" Rex asks her quietly. "How is it you can't control your abilities?"

"It's less of a skill and more of an attribute," she replies. "When I really badly want to know something, the force just…accommodates me. It isn't _me_ doing it. It's just…I have to stop wanting things so hard. That's all."

He gives her a sideways glance but nods. "Sounds difficult. Why are we going to see the Maintenance Clones?"

"I want to test a hunch," she replies.

She says nothing more and Rex ponders her answer in silence.

It takes a bit longer than usual to get to the Maintenance barracks as their route is changed every time a class or training exercise is let out and they have to walk _around_ an entire group of Clones.

But eventually they find themselves at a room that is slightly different from the others they've been passing.

Nova sees the purplish hue of the walls and wonders why the Kaminoans would paint these walls, and not other ones.

She almost opens her mouth to ask, but the Captain gives her a sharp headshake and she decides to keep quiet and just ask _him_ later.

"Maintenance Clones, attention!" the Kaminoan calls out. But not in a military way. More like really annoying teacher that has to be in charge or their sense of self withers with their authority.

The Clones in the room were suddenly scrambling to get into uniform lines. Looking nervous and glancing at Nova repeatedly, as if waiting for something.

"You will stay at attention and answer the Jedi's questions," he says. Then turns to Nova. "They may not be fit for duty, but they are loyal and obedient all the same."

Nova's stomach turns over and she does her best to mask that fact with a tight smile and nod. "Thank you. You can go and have lunch and come find me when it's over. I'm sure I'm gonna be here _at least_ an hour."

He bows his head. "I thank you, Jedi, for your consideration."

As he leaves the room, he seems to be lighter. Moving easier, shoulders not held so tight as they were. And Nova sighs. Even if he _were_ the same kind of ladder-climber she hates the most, she'd still feel bad for polluting his mind with her presence.

When is the Force going to take the hint and stop trying to grant her wishes?

"Okay," she moves forward into the room. "How many of you never got to even take the combat tests for advancement after your…let's say, 'uniqueness' became apparent? Lift your hands if this is true for you."

A good percentage of the room lifted their hands.

"Okay, put 'em down. Move over to the right side of the room. Everybody else, the left," she says.

They move to do as she bids and she moves to the right side of the room to more closely inspect them.

It's just as she thought.

Most of them are in some way mutated or have some sort of disability. When she sees ninety-nine, she nearly has a heart attack but keeps herself still.

Already, she's mentally tallying it up.

' _Leg brace with a lift on one leg, corrective brace for the back, he could've been a perfectly good soldier if they'd just had the goddamn heart to help him. Even now as a maintenance clone he could've benefited from that treatment,_ ' she thinks. ' _And this one here just has some kind of jaw problem. They could fix that! And this guy…I think he broke his leg and it healed wrong, I can feel the pain radiating from his leg and it's_ _ **awful**_ _._ '

She sensed pain in at least ninety percent of the right-hand group, and maybe twenty percent of the left.

"Do the Kaminoans give you pain medication?" she asks the room at large, turning to regard both sides to let them know it was a general question.

There was some head shaking, some shrugging and some general confusion.

Why would they do that, after all? Their pain didn't keep them from working and if it did, they'd likely just-

Nova breathes deeply and interlocks her fingers behind her back. Keeping her body straight and her energy as serene as she can. If she projects too hard, sometimes…people feel it. Non-force-sensitives, as well.

"Okay," she says. "I'm gonna ask all of you that are currently experiencing pain to please accompany me to the medical bay. I want some deep scans of all of you. Rex, if you could stay and keep the rest of them company till I get back?"

The Captain nods, confused but standing at attention and saluting as she leaves with the Maintenance Clones trailing behind her.

Rex watches them go with a strange sense of trepidation. As if something is about to happen and he isn't sure whether he likes it or not.

" _ **What…what's she gonna do with them**_ **?** " a clone that Rex recognizes as Fifty-three speaks in their shared tongue.

Rex turns to them with a placating gesture. " _Be calm, brothers. This Jedi is…a little odd. Compassionate, though. She probably just wants to ask for their pain to be alleviated._ " He answers them in kind and there is a collective ease. Bodies relaxing from tensed positions by the slightest degrees only discernible to a clone's eye.

Their dialects are different from each other, but also perfectly understood.

" _ **Why'd she come here in the first place?**_ " one of them asks. A new one, likely from the last batch. Young. " _ **She couldn't have known before showing up. The Kaminoans only allow us to be seen by Jedi when we clean the training and testing rooms. They never seem to pick up on pain, then.**_ "

Rex was at a loss for how to explain _that_. He kept trying to think of explanations but everything he came up with ended up sounding like a criticism of the Jedi.

" _They probably, just…didn't think your pain was their responsibility,_ " he says. Then hurries to amend, " _because the Kaminoans are responsible for you. They probably thought they'd take care of it._ " His hand gestures are slow but certain. Communicating a sense of uncertainty tinged with faith.

The Clones share a moment of silent agreement.

That's right- they all collectively agree -the Jedi are good. They care for the Clones. If they knew how much pain they were in, they'd do something about it. Just like this one is doing right now.

They are soothed, if only for the moment.


	11. Hopes and Dreams

Nova isn't really sure _how_ to feel, so she's just feeling everything right now.

Anger at the Kaminoans for refusing to make the disabled Clones' lives easier because they see them as inferior beings. Anger at the Jedi for not realizing it was happening and doing something about it.

Sorrow for the Clones who were told they weren't good enough to be something they had been told their whole lives they were _destined_ to be- after that much brainwashing…to suddenly have it all taken from you because you were 'born wrong'. Nova knows what it feels like to be told that something is wrong with you and have that ruin your life.

She was only fifteen when she came to this world of Jedi and Sith- but fifteen was also the age when she'd started to have panic attacks nearly every day in school.

Frustration that she can't do more than tell the Kaminoan medical droids to put the assistive surgeries and equipment on her budget's 'tab' so that ninety-nine can get a spine and leg brace and his brothers can have their pain treated or even eradicated in a simple surgery that _should have_ been done _years_ ago.

And then there's the guilt, for even being here, going along with all this.

' _What else can I do? Running away would paint me as a traitor and then I'd_ _ **never**_ _be able to help the Clones,_ ' she thinks. ' _I hate having no other choice but to play along. I may be_ _ **good**_ _at subterfuge, but that doesn't mean I_ _ **like**_ _it._ '

"So once they have these series of surgeries, they'll be able to stand upright, walk with minimal trouble and with the right assistive devices, they'll be just as functional as any other clone?" she asks.

The Droid turns to regard her as it puts one of the disabled clones under for their surgeries. "The surgeries will compensate for the issues, but they will persist. They will not be able to hold under fire for long engagements. For a job on Coruscant, however- they will be able to patrol and even apprehend perpetrators and lawbreakers, as you asked."

"What about the ones with vision, hearing and other sensory issues?" she asks.

"Gene therapy will alleviate the problem, implants will compensate," the droid replies. "When all is finished, they will be functional enough for the jobs you have described."

"Good. Make absolutely certain this is coming out of my own budget, and not anyone else's," she says. "I have enough money to buy a Legion worth of Clone Troopers, but that's the…abled ones. I imagine there'd be a discount because of the work that has to be put in for disabled clones to lead pain-free and functional lives."

' _Happy and healthy are likely not going to enter the equation,_ ' she thinks. ' _Health is probably not ever going to be where it should for these guys, because they've been neglected so long. Fed and kept clean and maintained well, but not really looked after…it's like cutting your hair and taking a shower, ignoring the fact that you've got a shard of glass poked through your shoulder._ '

She walks the line of disabled clones now under the influence of some sleeping drugs and being operated on by machines.

' _And Happiness…well, they'd be lucky to get out of this place without depression, let alone anxiety,_ ' she thinks and sighs internally. ' _At least I know how to relate to them on that level. If they have trouble, I'll at least know they need therapy and for what issues._ '

She loathes thinking of the Clones as any kind of bargaining chip, chess piece or…anything like that. But in order to help them, she was going to have to _act. Her. Ass. Off._

And the Clones are so indoctrinated that she can't ask for any of _their_ help-

Except…

' _They_ _ **did**_ _say I could ask for transfers,_ ' she thinks to herself. ' _If I imply I had a vision about the perfect people to help me- would the Jedi Council even think to look deeper into it?_ '

Nova ruminates on that as the Clones get their surgeries and wonders if it would be possible…to…

"General?" a voice crackles from the speaker embedded into Nova's gauntlet. "Are you coming back soon?"

It's the Captain.

"Yeah, on my way now- the clones I brought with me are staying here for a bit though," she says. "Be right over."

"Yes, sir," he responds.

Nova marvels over the fact that it sounded like he was speaking _right next to her_ and then despairs at the fact that ear-buds are apparently so expensive that the army barely ever uses them.

' _This is just asking for people to overhear and thwart your plans,_ ' she thinks.

Many things are slightly different from what she had seen in the movies and tv show. For one thing, holograms were only used for making plans, not just making random calls to people. They're for maps and terrain simulations and such.

Usually, people just use voice calls to _talk_ to each other.

Well. There are other holograms. Those are mostly games or…explicit content recorded by professionals.

And the holograms themselves tend to differ in quality. That was a bigger surprise. That not all holograms were flicker-y and monotone blue.

Matter of fact, basically ALL holoprojectors are capable of at least a black and white image with some shades of brown in it.

As Nova walks down the hallway toward the barracks to reconvene with the Captain and other Maintenance Clones, she wonders…

How many first steps must she take to liberate the Clones entirely? Will she need to go through the Senate? In which case, she might need blackmail, though that's risky.

…or she could just mess with their minds, totally against her own moral codes in order to force them to free an entire enslaved people.

She wouldn't like it, but it was the lesser evil. Not until she's exhausted all other options, though.

If people could just be _persuaded_ to treat the Clones like human beings and give them rights, then that's how she should try to make things happen. After that, she can worry about whether or not she'll have to commit a smaller act of evil to thwart a bigger one.

She thinks 'smaller' is the wrong word, but she's too tired to think of any others.

When she finally arrives at the barracks, she sees the Captain engaged in lively conversation with the Maintenance Clones…and realizes she never gave them permission to sit down or be at ease.

Sighing, she walks up at Rex's side and says, "be at ease."

The tension in the room gets _higher_ though they do seem to relax their bodies somewhat.

"I am not really a military person," she says slowly. "I keep forgetting that soldiers have to be told to relax. I'm sorry. I'm a Jedi Investigator. This demand for me to get my own Legion is…actually probably going to make my job harder."

The Maintenance Clones are watching her with interest now, wondering if she's finally going to get to the point of this whole visit she's making.

"They gave me a certain amount of money, and told me to buy Clones with it. Outfit them, get them kitted up. But I've just realized I can meet those demands without getting a whole Legion," she explains. "See, what I need are not soldiers, but investigators. People who can pick up evidence, follow trails and maybe detain suspects. But I wouldn't need a soldier to subdue someone. Regular people are trained to be able to subdue others in self-defense all the time, and you guys already have some or most of that training."

The Captain, finally realizing what was happening, turned to Nova with a shocked expression.

"You mean you're…here for them?" he asks.

"Yup," she replies. "They might force me and some of my men out on the front lines, but I'm not a fighter so much as a covert ops agent. Even my fighting style reflects that. They'll most likely have me and my men doing recon and intelligence-gathering. And all these men look slightly different from your standard Clone. So they'll be good at that."

"We…" one of the clones stutters as they seem to grasp what this means. "We can finally serve the Republic?"

"It depends on whether or not I can convince the Jedi Council to give me this," she says. "But they've been pretty lenient with me lately for some damn reason, so I might as well use it for something."

"What about the other clones, the ones you took to medical?" another asks. Fifty-three again, Rex notes.

"The ones in medbay are getting special surgeries, outfitted with corrective braces and some are even getting gene therapy. In a few short months, they'll be as functional as you are and they'll be sent to me along with any other disabled or rejected clones that manage to pass the requirements. So long as I can convince Shaak Ti to change the requirements to fit my job…"

"I'm sure if you explain yourself, they'll at least consider it," the captain says. But he looks, and sounds, tired. "But maybe you shouldn't get their hopes up."

Nova nods. "Just consider this a possibility. I am going to fight for it, but that doesn't mean I'll necessarily get it."

"Do you need _us_ to do anything?" another asks.

And Nova looks at them. How bright-eyed they are compared to when she first saw them and her heart falls at her feet.

She knew of course that they had been taught their whole lives to want this- and that this was coming from their brainwashing.

So she couldn't feel happy about giving them something they badly wanted.

' _This is going to help them. People questioning_ _ **anything**_ _about Clones is_ _ **good**_ _. Right now I can't just free them because they wouldn't want to go. And even if they did, they'd be hunted down,_ ' Nova tells herself. ' _I have to free them slowly, by working away at their own perceptions and even how other people perceive them. I just…I just need_ _ **time**_ _._ '

Nova knows it will be an uphill battle. That she will have to fight against every inch of it to get any headway…but she's prepared for that.

"I'll have to be the one to convince the Council. You just…have to try your hardest to meet whatever expectations they have of you," she says.

The Clones stand at attention again, saluting this time. "Yes, sir!"

Rex holds his head high with pride in their display of loyalty and eagerness.

Nova tries not to show how nauseous she feels.


	12. Unfair Exceptions

Nova decides to get proactive and take her ideas all the way to the top, by calling Yoda on the comm in Anakin's ship.

If she can just convince him-

"Certain, are you, that this is what you want?" he asks.

She's just explained what she wanted to do, gave her reasoning and now he's asking if she's sure.

Nova doesn't know if this is a good sign or a bad one. He could be asking because he intends to grant her request, but it could also be that weird passively manipulative thing where people try to talk you out of your own ideas by goading you into coming up with reasons why it's a bad idea yourself.

"Yes," she replies. "If I can just have them outfitted properly and even use some of the budget to buy actual investigative tools, it'll be better for me than a Legion of Clone Troopers. I can request to be assigned only to reconnaissance and fact finding, data retrieval types of missions. Plus, my work on Coruscant won't be negatively impacted."

"Heard your reasons, I have," he says. "But difficult, this will be. Any amount of Clones need maintenance, to keep their spirits high. A job to do, you will still have, providing the environment they will need."

Nova realizes this is about their _disabilities_ and how she's going to help them when any problems inevitably crop up.

"I know that, Grandmaster," she replies. "I will prepare for any problems and deal with them as they come. I know that this is not going to be a quick and easy thing."

Truthfully, freeing the clones and giving them rights might take _years_. A _decade_. Maybe even longer. But Nova isn't going to focus on that, right now.

Nova is just going to focus on getting started.

"Speak with the Council I will, and take responsibility you must," Yoda says. "A test, they will still have to take."

"I want to change the test," she says. "If they're going to be spies, black ops but also investigators, things need to be changed to suit the jobs they'll be assigned to."

Yoda hums over the line. "Speak to Shaak Ti, I must. Tests will be decided upon. Train your troopers well, you should. A month, you will be given."

"A month!?" she says incredulously. "I don't even understand why I was made to get this squad so soon to begin with! Why can't I take a few months to train them at the _least_? A lot of them are rusty and haven't trained in a while."

"Galactic Senate decided upon it," he says. "Abide by their decision, we must."

"We really don't have to," she replies. "The Senate decides whether or not we get involved in war, but they don't decide internal stuff. They can decide to give me the Clones, but I don't think they have the authority to demand I take them so soon?"

"From the Chancellor, the order came," Yoda replies. "Adamant, he was, that all Jedi Knights be equipped for the war as soon as possible."

' _Palpatine!?_ ' Nova thought in panic. ' _Why does Palpatine care what I do!?_ '

Nova thinks to herself for a long, drawn-out moment…that perhaps he knows. Perhaps he sensed that she is not of this world, this universe, this _galaxy_ and that he's setting out to kill her.

But then she relaxes and repeats a mantra to herself.

' _I am not that important. I am not that important._ '

And then she remembers the Jedi Council's weirdness and all signs pointing to them knowing something is up with her and the mantra feels less authentic.

' _He's a master manipulator, it probably has nothing to do with me and is just one more way to fuck with the Jedi order somehow. Now think,_ ' she berates herself. ' _You're_ _ **still**_ _not that important. You just have to-_ '

"Still there, are you, Knight Kiles?" Yoda's voice calls out over the communications array.

"Yeah, sorry Grandmaster," she replies. "I was…lost in thought. I don't know how I'm going to manage to teach everyone everything they need to know in a month…maybe a special concession can be made?"

"Concession?" Yoda inquires and his tone is…different. Strange. Not in a bad way but indecipherable otherwise.

"I'm not going to need all of them to do the exact same job, after all. The Troopers are trained and taught all the same things, but…I've got, in essence, three positions to fill with one third of the clones each," she explains. "Evidence handling is a science all on its own. Investigation involves a lot of interaction with people and the Detainment of suspects is something they should've already been taught. Any other clones unable to pass those three tests can be used in an administrative or assistance capacity in which they handle the lower tier work so that the clones who _did_ pass can focus on their duties."

"Keep the ones that fail, would you?" he asks.

"Yeah, there's more than just 'fighting' and 'chasing bad guys' that happens in Investigative work. There's a lot of paperwork that goes into it and I'm going to need all the hands I can get if I'm going to investigate the Jedi, let alone the entire Senate," she replies. "Not to mention that if I don't keep them, they'll be left here with people who don't take care of them. And as a 'Jedi' I cannot allow that. So you can either get them to give them to me lawfully, or I can steal them."

There is a silence on the other end of the line.

Nova waits and she knows she just crossed a line. A line the Jedi have not dared to cross for a LONG while.

Or rather, she said that she would. She'd defy the Senate, to do a Jedi's job. Or to be perfectly accurate. A _Je'daii_ 's job.

Whenever Nova refers to herself as a 'Jedi' she is relieved that no one can _hear_ her internal air quotes.

"Speak with Master Shaak Ti, I will," he says finally. "See if the test can be changed."

"I…" she falters, but picks back up again almost immediately. "Thank you, Grandmaster Yoda."

A chuckle-y giggle sounds over the line. That strange way that he laughs. "Interesting, your knighthood will be, I think."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out my new Mandalorian Din Djarin Reader Insert called My Deadly Escapades!


	13. Trans Women are Women and Trans Clones EXIST

Anakin and Ahsoka stand in the viewing booth overlooking the training room to watch as Captain Rex goes over grappling and other hand-to-hand combat moves with the Clones- and Nova talks to the rest about what they may be expected to do in an investigative capacity.

"I can't believe the Kaminoans just… _neglected_ them like that," Anakin says. "Master Shaak Ti, how did you not notice they were all…in pain?"

"Normally it is not within my schedule to socialize," Master Shaak Ti replies. "And when I see the Maintenance Clones, it is only for a moment before I leave to have talks with the Kaminoans and Bounty Hunters. Even were I to sense their pain, and I will admit that I had on some occasions…I am sad to say that I only thought them overtaxed from work. I have felt much the same thing from Jedi who have been through difficult occupations. It has become so normal a feeling to me that I did not…notice."

"But even when Jedi get hurt, you try to help them, don't you?" Ahsoka asks. "Even if they're just tired, you could offer to help them back to their rooms or to the medcenter or-"

"If a Jedi is up and walking around, no matter how much pain they're in…" Anakin cuts her off. "Usually other Jedi leave them be. It's only those who need help walking that are even worried about. Our force powers mean we heal a lot faster than most."

"That still doesn't seem right," Ahsoka says.

Shaak Ti nods her head slowly and regally to the young Padawan. "As you say, perhaps…we are too complacent."

"There's no 'perhaps' about it," Anakin says. "If we can completely miss the fact that someone is suffering right in front of us, obviously we're not paying enough attention to the people around us."

"Getting too close to the people has been a mistake in the past," Shaak Ti says. "The Jedi must remain apart."

"What mistake?" Anakin asks. "Isn't the whole reason we're even in this war because the Council wants to convince the people of the Galaxy that we care about them?"

"In the time of the Old Republic, many Jedi fell to the darkside and joined the Sith precisely because they had too much contact with the outside world," she replies. "They were taken in too late, allowed to mix with the galaxy's criminals, soldiers and civilians alike. It blurred the lines for them."

"If interacting with people can blur the lines between good and evil for someone, that's going to happen no matter what," Ahsoka chimes in with. "Isn't it?"

"You're absolutely right, Snips," Anakin replies. "You either believe in Jedi principles, or you don't."

"And what about this Knight Kiles?" Shaak Ti asks, gesturing out the viewing window.

Nova is currently engaged in hand-to-hand combat instruction with the rest of her clones. Rex is instructing, and Nova is adjusting stances and postures.

"What about her?" he asks.

"She apparently believes in the Jedi Order's principles, but also believes we are not upholding them," she says. "This is a difference of opinion that often led to the dark side in the past."

Ahsoka screws her face up in a thoughtful grimace. "Wait…doesn't that just mean that people told you you were corrupt before and because you're corrupt, you deposed them and they _had_ to join the Sith because they had nowhere else to go?"

"No, Snips," Anakin cuts in. "No matter what, there's _always_ more options than Jedi and Sith. There are species-specific orders on a lot of planets in the republic. They're usually the weaker force users and those in the Service Corps of the Jedi but you could always choose something different. Joining the Sith…there's just no excuse for that."

"Well sure, but after the Jedi have disavowed someone as being darkside, where could they go?" she asks. "They'd have to join _some_ darkside order, wouldn't they?"

"You ask dangerous questions, Padawan," Shaak Ti says.

"They're questions," Ahsoka says. "And Bi- _Nova_ 's always told the Younglings that the only dangerous questions are the ones that the people in power don't want to hear you ask."

"Questions shouldn't be dangerous," Anakin agrees. "Still, we respect the Jedi Order's word. And any Jedi exiled or otherwise divorced from the Order should know what to do. Going into seclusion to atone for ones' mistakes is expected. They may even one day be accepted back in, depending on circumstances and whether or not they've done any good for anyone."

"That just sounds like you only let them in if they're useful, to me," Ahsoka says and crosses her arms.

And that is the end of that conversation as they all refocus on what's happening in the training room.

Nova stands near a line of the men she's chosen and watches them closely.

"Good, very good," Nova praises a Clone for getting his form perfect. "Everyone pay attention to what he's doing-"

"She," someone speaks out of the line.

Everything goes dead silent.

The Clones are rigid, waiting for something. Her response, probably.

So Nova responds. "Oh. Alright!" She grins incandescently for a moment before getting a handle on herself. "Everyone watch her, she's got it."

And then everyone gets back in motion and Captain Rex is gaping openly at them all from the other side of the room.

He quickly shakes it off and turns to his own little group of Troopers. "Alright everyone, do it again. This time try to keep your muscles loose and your joints should only lock when you've finished the maneuver."

It's a common move to stop the advancement of an enemy. Also useful to keep people from going anywhere when they've been detained, or getting past you into a crime scene.

The Clones move and each one is an immobile wall. They're picking everything back up as if they never stopped training.

Rex thinks years of training can't just be forgotten. That the Clones are made of stern stuff, even those considered defective. That no matter how long, the loyalty and desire for honor in battle would burn through.

Nova believes the conditioning is the reason. After all, if your brain is built to learn fighting, then it really doesn't matter _when_ that learning happens, does it?

For all she knows, it's possible their entire brain chemistry is changed so that they can _keep_ learning at the same rate until the day they die of old age.

Rex glances periodically at Nova instructing her troops and after a while even begins to smile a bit.

" _Can't believe fifty-three just opened his mouth like that,_ " a nearby group of Troopers gossips to each other in their language. " _Was it always just that easy?_ "

Rex thinks back to the few times a Trooper showed up in briefings with a feminine-sounding name or a specific pattern on their armor that one might call 'girly' in human parlance.

The Jedi didn't really seem to bat an eyelash. But…remembering the Kaminoans insistence that there must be something wrong with them because they were cloned from a _man_ \- it's difficult to assume that anyone else might be different.

And the ones who go without identifying one way or the other just seemed to confound the Kaminoans as their caste system had a gender specific duty roster in it. Women were expected to do certain things, men others. Those who were neither didn't belong in their system.

But that's why the Clones made their own.

Rex thinks about all the sisters and other siblings he's served with who were just as effective as his brothers- those who just wanted to be called by a different kinda name, with more ornate patterning on their armor or maybe no patterning at all. It still baffles him a little that any society as advanced as the Kaminoans can be so…rigid.

Especially as the Republic isn't like that at all.

Pride swells in him once again, thinking of the Republic. A place where they could be who they are, and not have to worry about whether or not the Kaminoans approved of them.

So many Clones wanted to pass these tests just to get off Kamino and only come back to visit the little brothers who hadn't yet gotten away.

Rex might consider Kamino home, but the Kaminoans weren't exactly family.

"Straighten up some, soldier," he calls out to the one on the end of the line. "Lift your feet when you move, then plant them firmly. Don't slide 'em across the ground."

"Sir!" the Clone responds and immediately fixes his movements.

Rex again glances over to where Nova is training her own group.

He isn't going to be able to stay the whole time she needs to stay and train them, of course. But he can get her started off on the right track.

"Sir, you might have more luck if you put them in a line, or have them in a ring around you," he calls out to her.

She glances over at him and then stares at the square block of men struggling to do what she did. "I thought walking between their lines and showing them was enough but if you think it'll help."

Immediately she makes a circular motion with her fingertip in the air next to her head. "Alright everybody, you heard 'im, circle up."


	14. Self-Thwarted Understanding

It isn't long before Anakin and Ahsoka decide they simply _must_ be a part of the training and rush out to help with training the maintenance Clones.

Just in time, really, as Nova has been feeling thirsty and a bit tired for a while now. Not only due to the training that she has been doing all morning, but also because of the emotional labor involved in dealing with people who are brainwashed and…happy.

She has to smile back when they smile at her, even though she feels wretched.

There has to be an upbeat energy about her to help them meet their full potential, even though she feels sick because she knows she will have to take them into battle. Because she knows _he_ will force her to and the only other option will be to run away and then what will become of the Clones?

So when she walks into the viewing pod high above the training room and sips water from a canteen she keeps in her belt- she stops and considers the way Shaak Ti's energy has changed.

There is an edge to it that wasn't there before.

"Master Shaak Ti," Nova addresses her. "You seem out of sorts."

"I suppose I am," she replies while she looks through the viewport. "I know I must meditate. But I suppose a part of me feels…responsible. For what happened to these clones."

"Because you are," Nova responds. "Own what you've done. It's the only way to be at peace with it. You fucked up, you neglected them. Do better now."

Shaak Ti turns her head slightly, her eyes downcast. "Yes…I suppose that would be more productive than meditation…but would that reaction not be born of emotion?"

Nova's head is starting to hurt a LOT, being around Jedi all the fucking time.

"No," Nova replies. "Compassion isn't an emotion. It's an action. You are taking action to alleviate the suffering of others. It's what Jedi are supposed to be _for_ , remember?"

"You seem angry," Shaak Ti observes as she turns to Nova.

"Yes, I'm angry," Nova replies. "The trick to emotions is not letting them inform your actions in harmful ways. I'm angry that a bunch of people were mistreated and abused because you can't take your head out of the Force's ass long enough to notice. Instead of punching you in the face, I've decided to tell you how I feel because that's the _healthy_ way to resolve conflict. The Jedi Code's changed over time, you know? 'There is no Emotion, There is Peace' is relatively new." Nova can't help switching tacks sometimes.

It's her ADHD brain, and it _will not_ be denied.

"Of course the Jedi have evolved over time," she says. "But it is only because in the past, our order has been beset by issues that we strove to solve. Such as many Jedi falling to the Darkside due to our exposure to outsiders and failure to properly master our emotions."

"Is that what you think," Nova states rather than asking. "People don't fall to the darkside because they know people who aren't Jedi. They fall because the Jedi teachings are incomplete. You tell them to master their emotions but you don't really show them _how_. You just get tetchy when they show even a slight wobble in their lip or an angry squint in their eyes. Which only leads to _suppression_ , not mastery."

Shaak Ti frowns, though it is that subtle frown that the truly _serene_ Jedi all have. It's barely an expression. "Incomplete?"

"Yeah you know how you tell them what to do and then don't demonstrate where it concerns emotion and shit?" Nova says. " _I'm_ the one who had to teach both Anakin _and_ Ahsoka how to control their anger and think through their emotions. And I didn't even know Anakin that well! I just had to sit with him for a few minutes the few times we _did_ meet and _talk to him_."

Matter of fact, Nova had barely met Anakin for five minutes each and every time she saw him. Not long enough to impart a lot of knowledge, but apparently it was sufficient- because she kept hearing how mellow he was becoming and how much of a cooler head he'd had lately and eventually she had to admit to herself that the reason Anakin was so screwed up to begin with is that nobody wanted to risk their own _fall_ to help him.

Because if they admitted they had emotions, if they admitted they controlled them and didn't just get rid of them, would that be the same as defying the Code and the Order?

It was all so fucking _irritating_ for Nova.

"Learning something like emotional mastery has to come from within," Shaak Ti says.

"Yeah well 'from within' doesn't mean 'figure it out yourself' it means 'you have to _want_ to figure it out'," Nova rebuts. "People forced into it, don't really change. But if they want it, they're more open to the lessons life has taught them. And for your information, people don't learn things well on their own, like. Ever. Being neglected by parents, teachers or other older guardians often stunts childrens' growth."

Nova has to take a second to wonder if that's why all the Jedi are so fucking short on average and the Sith so goddamn tall.

' _Not the time for memes and jokes ,_ ' she admonishes herself.

"The Younglings in the Temple are not Children," she says. "They are Jedi. And the Force does not care what age you are."

Idly wondering if she could get away with beating the absolute shit out of Shaak Ti and everyone else on the Council, Nova launches her own rebuttal.

"The Force _is the reason_ that we are intelligent living beings who _have_ a phase of life called 'childhood' and regardless of the fact that we mature quickly, there are still stages of our lives in which we are helpless and young," she says, vehement but quiet. "And if the Force really didn't care about that, it'd get rid of that phase altogether, don't you think?"

There's a pause in the conversation as Shaak Ti attempts to comprehend Nova's point of view, but eventually she admits defeat.

"I do not…understand what you are saying. But I will be more attentive of the Clones in the future," Shaak Ti finally says.

"I guess that's all I can expect, considering how long you've been a Jedi," Nova retorts and attempts to leave the room.

"Why are you doing this?" Shaak Ti asks, once more turned toward the viewing window. "Why Maintenance clones? Why a smaller Legion? What is your goal?"

"To make people remember that Clones are people too," Nova retorts. "Because obviously a whole fucking Galactic Community seems to think it's just _fine_ to create a slave army and then throw them at the enemy like cannon fodder. If I have to be unorthodox and confusing to make people think twice about it, I will."

"If you are so opposed to the Clone Army, why not simply become a Crechemaster?" she asks. "I heard you are good with the Younglings."

"And that's going to make it all go away?" Nova says, combative and angry but still quiet. "Leaving now would just be me ignoring the problem. To change anything, one has to be a part of things. No matter how much I _hate_ everything about this situation, my duty to the Clones will compel me. As it _should_."

And then Nova leaves and Shaak Ti, does not stop her.

She simply stands, staring out the window. Wondering if perhaps she would understand Knight Kiles better if she'd known her longer than a week altogether. Because as it stands now, she merely baffles the Master Jedi. And perhaps she even frightens her. Just a little.


	15. Uncomfortable but Progressing

About a week into the only month Nova was given to train her men, the others had to leave.

Though before that, Nova took Ahsoka aside and reviewed the many lessons they'd had together in the Temple when Ahsoka was still a youngling.

And Ahsoka had Questions.

"You always used to say the Clone Army was ethically wrong but that there wasn't anything any one person could do about it," Ahsoka says.

Nova and Ahsoka go through the forms both offensive and defensive for lightsaber combat with practice blades in hand.

"That's right," Nova replied. "There a question in there somewhere?"

"If there's nothing that can be done, why are you still part of the army?" Ahsoka asks.

"I said there's nothing 'one person' can do. _Alone,_ " Nova says. "And anyway, by 'nothing' I meant 'one person setting them all free' isn't possible. There _are_ still things we can do, they're just…incredibly small things, really."

"But you seem like you're going backwards," she says as they shift into the next set of stances. "You just made _more_ clones into soldiers. They were safe before, so how does making them your legion help them?"

"Because it forces people to think about them," Nova replies. "I'm not going to deny that it's dangerous, but honestly I think their lives will be better _away_ from Kamino and the Kaminoans'…superiority complexes."

"I did find some of them…abrasive and mean," Ahsoka agrees. "But I've heard the masters argue that there was no other choice. We had to get involved in the war, to protect the Republic and all the planets the Separatists want to enslave."

"Untrue," I say. "We could've instead liberated the slave army, kept them as Jedi younglings- regardless of their lack of force powers, and protected them far away from all of this. If the separatists won their fight with the Republic, I'd be pretty fuckin' shocked, considering we have more resources, more people and more money for the most part. Or we did, till we had to start buying Clones."

The economy wasn't great before that, but Nova knows it would've been manageable before Sifo-Diyas did what he did and the Republic had to pay up or shut up.

' _And sure Sidious would be orchestrating things, but with the Jedi off Coruscant, they would no longer be influenced by the Dark Side 'Nexus' of that old Temple under theirs. They might've sensed him and his machinations and actually been able to stop him,_ ' Nova thinks.

"It seems like they have almost the same resources we do," Ahsoka says.

"Well then why didn't _we_ build a droid army? Cheaper, more efficient, less people die and the Jedi could still be leading them as specialized agents," Nova says, going through the forms a bit more aggressively. "All in all, the clone army is not only unethical, it's wasteful and expensive. It makes absolutely no sense, unless you're just trying to bankrupt yourself."

Nova bites her tongue at that. It's too close to what's actually going on.

"Yeah... I guess droids _would_ have been cheaper than clones," Ahsoka says slowly as she considers it. "But I like the clones. I don't want to think of them as a mistake."

"The clones aren't the mistake," Nova patiently replies. "The mistake is making them into a slave army. Sure, ethically, they should never have been created. But now that they have been, and we found out about it after the fact- it just means they should've been made citizens of the Republic."

"But would the Senate have bought them if they were just human clones on an alien planet?" Ahsoka asks.

"Ahsoka…I really really hope you think about what you just asked me, and what it implies about the Senate," Nova replies.

Ahsoka goes quiet to think about it, her brow furrowed.

"Commander, we're about to take off!" Rex comes walking into the small training room with an air of familiarity about him.

Nova supposes this _is_ his home planet. He should know what the training rooms look like even in his sleep considering how much they're drilled from such a young age…

"Is Anakin already done with preflight and everything?" Ahsoka asks while inching out of her stance.

Nova follows suit and turns to face the Captain with the young Padawan.

"All that's left is the cheeky Togrutan Padawan," he responds. And then seems to stiffen up as he takes notice of Nova. It's almost as though he didn't see her when he walked in.

"Ah…sorry General," Rex says and stands at attention. "General Skywalker wants you on the ship now, Commander."

Ahsoka frowns at his demeanor, but walks out of the training room with a bow goodbye to General Kiles.

"General, if I might ask a question," Captain Rex says while watching her as she walks off to get a drink.

She doesn't go far, just to the edge of the mats where she can pick up her little canteen and take a swig. Then she saunters back, feeling loose and energetic from her exercises.

"Sure, Captain," she replies.

"You can call me Rex, sir," he says.

She hums and takes another sip. "Just as soon as you start calling me 'Nova'."

Rex takes a moment to digest that. "General Nova, sir. I wanted to ask why you're doing all this?"

Nova smiles at his concession and reciprocates. "Well, _Captain Rex_ , I think you'll need to be more specific."

"Well, you didn't seem thrilled to have a Legion, and you still…don't quite strike me as the type to just go through the motions and do what has to be done without some kind of…reasoning," he explains. "And the Maintenance Clones…it was a strange choice."

Privately, the Captain approves of the move she made. Showing the world that _all_ his brothers could be of use to the Republic. None of the Clones precisely _like_ the part of their Caste system that has to differentiate between Maintenance Clones and Army Clones, but…it was for their own protection to begin with.

After all, the Kaminoans have never liked how…close to the Maintenance Clones the Army Clones could get. Thought it would bog them down. They had to be close to their brothers in another way. A secret way. Or they'd just get in trouble for the fraternization.

"I didn't wanna leave them _here_ ," she replies to him, gesturing around. "I don't even wanna leave the Cadets here. The Kaminoans are abusive assholes. If the Republic really cared, they'd sanction a full rescue operation but we both know that's not gonna happen."

Captain Rex squints, but doesn't comment. This General is a bit overly critical, but he figures that just means her moral center is pretty solid. So even if he thinks she's wrong, at least he won't have to worry about her crossing any lines and getting his brothers killed for the hell of it.

He'd follow any order he was given, like a good soldier. But he was aware of the possibility that some might break him. No matter how resistant he and his brothers are to stress, sometimes…

"Sorry, I don't mean to like," Nova flusters and struggles for words. "This is your life and your existence, I shouldn't be talking to you like this about it. I guess you're just easy enough to talk to that I keep forgetting."

The Captain ducks his head in a slow nod. "Thank you, General. I have to go and catch up with the Commander and General Skywalker…but tell me…is taking them out of here, your only reason?"

Nova stares at him for a long moment before flipping the cover up on her Canteen. "No. Too many people don't face the reality of your personhood. And putting the Maintenance Clones into a corner so that people don't have to think about them, is part of that problem. I'm pulling them into the light so that all Clones might benefit from the renewed discussion of who is and isn't capable and who is and isn't a person."

She thinks for a moment more before continuing. "I believe in the Republics' ideals. I just don't feel the Republic is living up to them, right now."

The Captain stands at attention and salutes the General before turning on his heel and marching out.

Nova wonders what he thinks of her reasoning, but doesn't ask.

The Captain doesn't really know what to think.


	16. Bargaining with Innocence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, for those of you who don't know, my grandmother is in the hospital. The only way I can do announcements is to update my stories, so I'll be putting this message on all three of my updates today.
> 
> Things are looking good, but they could still go bad. I have no idea what kind of mood I'm going to be in or whether I'll be able to write at all. So if I suddenly disappear and stop updating a few times, you guys will know it has something to do with my family crisis.

"So I lost my Lightsaber, but I got it back. Master Sinube was more helpful than I thought he'd be," Ahsoka explains. "I guess patience is more important than I thought."

Her voice is a bit tinny as she and her master are on Coruscant at the moment and Nova is still on Kamino, training her men.

"But you didn't tell Anakin you lost it," Nova observes. "Which means you trust me with this information."

There's a pause. "Yes?"

"Must be nice, being able to trust people," Nova drawls. "And know they'll keep secrets for you."

Another pause on the line. "Are you talking about the Big Sister thing?" her voice is very small. This time it isn't the distance.

"I understand your intention was to help," Nova says. "But I also can't just forgive the fact that you didn't even come and tell me that you'd told someone my secret."

Nova had stayed quiet the entire time the Padawan had been telling her story. She didn't want to be angry and mean, but she also didn't want to be too mellow.

In order for Ahsoka to understand what she'd done and how it was wrong, it had to be handled correctly. And Ahsoka responds far better to emotion and snarkiness than anything else.

Backtracking the source on how General Skywalker seemed to know exactly when and where to look for her- and thus why he didn't discover her other less benign activities…wasn't exactly hard. She only had to think for a moment over who could have possibly told him and why and came to the conclusion that they were talking about her within Ahsoka's earshot.

She of course stepped in to 'defend' Nova or perhaps 'talk her up' so that they would think well of her. And when they started asking for something to show the council, of course she felt pressured to do something nice for her Big Sister.

"I just wanted you to get your promotion," she says. "I didn't say anything because my Master would've known I'd gone to see you or called you and he would've been suspicious. I didn't tell them about the other lessons!"

"We shouldn't talk about this over an unsecured line, you know that," Nova replies. "But that's good to hear. We'll not speak of it again unless in person."

"Yes, General Kiles," Ahsoka replied.

"And that's all beside the point. I was completely shocked when Anakin started talking about my lessons. I thought I was about to be kicked out or executed! Can you imagine what that felt like Ahsoka? And for doing nothing but teaching you guys techniques that other species have been using for millenia. All without falling to the 'dark side'," Nova says. "Master Plo Koon uses force lightning, so of course it's not inherently evil. But if we were to say that to the Jedi Council, you know what they would do to me."

"I…I'm sorry General Kiles," there are tears in Ahsoka's voice.

Nova nearly wavers. ' _No, I need to be strong! Ahsoka has to learn the lessons I need her to learn. Otherwise she'll just end up that same bland 'light side' kind of character that the whole rest of the Council is. Even Obi-Wan eventually ended up that way. Even with all his warmth, his love for Satine, it wasn't enough. Because it was too reinforced by everything around him._ '

"If you want me to forgive you, you have to do something for me," Nova says. "I heard from a very reliable source that you and General Skywalker tend to beat people up or use force persuasion in your interrogations."

"I…well, yeah," she says. She sounds confused but also sheepish.

' _Good, I've managed to make myself someone she feels accountable to,_ ' Nova thinks. ' _Which means she'll listen to me._ '

"No more, Ahsoka. I know you can't control Anakin, but you will not beat or force persuade anyone. You will use the investigative techniques I _taught_ you. Remember those?" she asks.

"I…well, yeah, I remember…but it's been a while since I practiced them," Ahsoka says.

"That sounds like a problem that could be solved by you practicing again, then, doesn't it?" Nova asks.

There's a pause as Ahsoka seems to think that over. "Yes, Big Sister."

' _She even forgot herself and called me by the familial title,_ ' Nova thinks.

Nova isn't the one who insisted they call her that.

They all missed their families so much, it just…naturally evolved from their close relationship. And if everyone had the same big sister, they were also siblings, weren't they? That was the thought behind it.

And if Nova had told them not to, it would only further reinforce the Jedi idea that family was wrong and evil and bad. That it would cause people to fall to the darkside just like they said.

Nova had to be very, _very_ careful about things like that. The slightest slip and she'd ruin everything.

Normally it wouldn't be like that. But the Jedi and Nova are the only two influences these children had. They weren't allowed to get involved with the outside and they had no family. Not really. Even those allowed to have wives and husbands to further their family lines like Ki Adi Mundi…they weren't allowed to be close to them. At all.

So the Jedi and Nova are _all_ that they have. And if Nova did something that even slightly fell in line with the Jedi's bad ideas, all the Jedi's teachings would be further reinforced by it. By _her_.

If they were normal children with friends, family and exposure to the outside world, it'd be a lot harder to change them like that.

But Nova is very aware of how easy it is to manipulate children born into what is essentially a Cult.

' _People back in my world thought 'cult' was the wrong word for the Jedi. Because little girls weren't forced to marry older men and the Jedi didn't starve them and on and on. But a Cult isn't always so obvious about its aims and its leaders can be sincere in their desire to be good to the people in it without realizing what harm they're doing to them,'_ Nova thinks. ' _Look at Christianity. It's a legitimate religion, but so many cults crop up around it without any outward sign that anything is really wrong. Hell, my cousin's parents sent her to a cult camp for christian kids who misbehaved. It was normal to them to send their daughter to a prison where she'd have to earn 'ranks' like a soldier in 'god's army'._ '

The only consolation in that situation was that they weren't actually being taught to fight in an army. It was just the general idea of 'gods army'. A legion of Christians who knew the scripture by heart and all that jack.

But Nova remembers how they'd deny and allow privileges based upon how 'good' a little 'soldier' you were. And to any parent that had considered some kind of camp to send their kids to, it might've even seemed normal.

The Jedi were a Cult now. Even if they'd been a legitimate Order in the past. That wasn't true anymore.

That's why she has to bring back the Je'daii. That was when it was an Order. When it wasn't a Cult. When it included families. When it was a culture of multiple cultures all mixing together and being the same but different.

Of course they weren't perfect. But no society is. The point is, it was better than it is now.

"Alright, so long as you show me that you were really listening to me and you learned something while I was training you…" Nova says. "I'll forgive you for breaking your promise. But just the once Ahsoka. You're old enough now to face the consequences of your actions, understand?"

Ahsoka _has_ to understand consequences. Not just personal ones, but just the concept altogether. Still, starting slow with small personal consequences is the only way to go. Traumatizing her by showing her how many casualties she's directly caused and impressing upon her that those deaths were her fault…would be unfair. And wrong.

But god every time they get deployed, Nova really _badly_ wants to say _something_ to Ahsoka about the Clones.

She can't though. Because constantly harping on _any_ subject, just makes people stop listening. So she saves that for the times when it's really important and impactful. Or at least, she tries.

"I understand, General Kiles!" Ahsoka sounds much more upbeat now. "I never intended to say anything before, so it won't be a problem to keep secrets now. And if I can impress master with the skills you taught me, maybe he won't be so overprotective anymore."

' _Oh Ahsoka, you are so predictable,_ ' Nova sighs internally. ' _If what I wanted was to manipulate you, it'd be so easy. I have to somehow fix that. If Sidious tries to use Ahsoka_ _ **before**_ _he tries to get rid of her…that could be a problem. Ahsoka could actually get hurt._ '

"Good. I'll see you when I get back to Coruscant," Nova says. "Your probation should be up by the time I get there, right?"

"Yes," Ahsoka responds. "I can't wait to meet your Clones!"

Nova closes her eyes and leans back in bed, holding the communicator down at her side as she sighs. Before bringing it back up to her mouth. "I'm sure they'll be glad to meet you as well."

Even if Ahsoka could grasp the idea of the Clones being slaves, she still didn't understand why it was all wrong. Because she'd been raised to believe they loved being part of the Republic and that they were all that defended it from the Separatists.

It takes more than a year or two to unlearn things you've been taught since you were…

' _How old was she? Three? Two? Four?_ '

Nova really hates that she has to pretend. That everything is fine. That she has to incrementally increase the things she says and their volatility to suit the person she's talking to.

The only redeeming value that the Jedi kept from the days of the Je'Daii were the cultural accessories that other species were allowed to keep to differentiate themselves.

And even that, was incredibly shallow.

Plo Koon was allowed to become a Baran-Do sage, but he was also brought in on an inquest to discover if his usage of force lightning was Darkside or not.

Even though his people are _known_ to have weather powers, including lightning. And there's nothing Darkside about those sages.

The other Jedi might be allowed to practice their cultures but. In the end, if it came down to it, the Jedi expect them to choose the Jedi Order.

They expect them to look down on their own people. As if they're the ones a razor's edge away from ruin and not the Jedi themselves.

"I'll talk to you when I get back to Coruscant, alright?" Nova says. "I've gotta go to bed."

"Oh right, Goodnight General Kiles!" Ahsoka's cheerful voice will haunt Nova for a good long while.

Children who live in privilege and confinement at the same time…it's always hard for them to come out and see the world for what it really is.

Nova hopes Ahsoka starts down that path soon. She would hate for her to turn into what she was before.

' _Everyone thought Rebels Ahsoka was so cool, but all I could see was the lack of individuality she'd had before,_ ' Nova thinks. ' _Everyone said it was just because she'd become a 'true' Jedi. I don't want her to be a Jedi. I don't want her to be anything that suffocates her feelings and tells her that caring about people is wrong._ '

Nova breathes deeply and tries to meditate to get herself to fall asleep. But it takes her hours to finally slip into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like to help out my family, please check my Tumblr.


	17. Examination Anxiety

Nova stalks down the line of maintenance Clones and takes up a position near the middle.

They've all lined up in the training room in preparation for their tests.

"I want everyone in this room to remember one thing," Nova says in a clear and commanding tone. "You only have to pass… _one_ test to be admitted to a department that isn't the Clerical Division. And even if you _are_ appointed to the Clerical Division, you can learn on the job as easily as anyone else who isn't. Don't worry about doing a spectacular job or passing all three- just pass what you can pass. It's completely unfair that they only gave us a month and we all know it. But it's what we've got. So focus on passing the _one_ test that best reflects your strengths. We can shore up your weaknesses and train you further _after_ we get to Coruscant. Understand?"

"Yes sir!" they shout in unison. And they're all standing at attention.

Some are taller, some are shorter, some have to wear back braces and leg braces like Ninety-nine. They all seem to have the same propensity for differing hairstyles and facial hair that the other Clones do.

But something about the way they stand and wait for orders is eerier than usual, even though Nova's usually creeped out by the conditioning…this seems especially bad.

And then Nova recalls that they've likely never been off Kamino. Some of them were reconditioned and sent here afterward so there are a few that look perfectly normal and have no bodily issues…it's that they have mental issues or so the Kaminoans say.

They were probably just too rebellious, too reckless or…too broken.

Her eyes turn to two very particular people.

She had no idea that Slick was sent to be Reconditioned and not imprisoned until she looked into his casefile. His eyes are so…empty.

He and Chopper. So Nova supposes that the Republic _has_ no plan to deal with 'disobedient' clones aside from brainwashing and death.

She thinks she remembers something about Chopper being mentally ill but she can't remember why. He did something in the show…

' _Fuck, why did I only pay attention to the main plot, I need to know!_ ' And the really fucked up thing is that she couldn't even ask anyone or get it from his file because when a Clone is reconditioned, it's like a computer is restarted.

Everyone sees them as an entirely _new_ person with the same number designation or something.

Nova had to _really_ twist Shaak Ti's arm to get her to ask them to _stop doing that_. Even if it _is_ a clean-reboot and she doesn't think it is, really- even if it were, you'd still have the same fucking HARDWARE.

You don't disregard the fucked up battery because you got a new OS-

And comparing the clones to computers is making Nova feel sick but it was the damn example she had to use to make them _listen to her_ and- and Nova is _very_ tired.

The chime to let everyone know the tests are beginning, goes off.

Shaak Ti enters through the eastern door and slowly makes her way to Nova's position with the two Mandalorian hunters Nova had hired to get the Clones back into fighting shape.

Nova'd handled all the Investigation classes _personally_ and barely had any free time to train in her saber forms or martial arts. Let alone to call the kids at the Temple and see how their own training was going.

Sparring with everyone and showing them non-lethal takedowns as well as everything else they had to learn…took up a lot of time.

Though spending all that time with the Clones _did_ give her new pieces of information.

Apparently they only age double till they hit puberty. At that point, different hormones take over their growth. So for the first 'ten' (actually 5) years of their life, they age double-time and the last five years are spent in almost-normal aging time.

It's more like the double-aging slows down until it eventually stops at the age of 20 (actually ten or twelve).

So once they hit that age, they're basically only aging in the smallest increments faster than the average human. They might have maybe a decade less on their lifespan, in all.

In the show, the Clones only lived half the lifespan that other humans did- Nova's glad that this one thing is different and they get more time, even if it's still really all fucked up.

"All of you will divide into three groups and will travel between rooms, taking different parts of the exam in each one," Shaak Ti announces.

"Divide into three equal groups based upon commonalities in your CT numbers and then move to one of the three rooms connected to this one," she instructs.

Nova sighs at the mention of the CT numbers but otherwise stays silent. She knows this is important- that this is the last chance these men have to show off their skills and feel good about themselves as 'warriors' and that it's important to them.

It's awful, but their feelings matter more than anything right now, so Nova is determined to let it go.

…for the next few hours.

They divide up the way Shaak Ti asked, all in eerie silence and with complete focus upon their tasks and the orders given to them.

Nova heads for the first room as Shaak Ti goes to the second and the two bounty hunters head for the third.

Waiting anxiously in the room for the Clones to show up, Nova goes over the test in her head again.

' _Right, so I'm the investigation test proctor, and all I have to do is wait for these men to give me all the information they were able to glean from a crime scene and listen to their theories,_ 'she thinks. ' _And in the Bounty Hunter room, they're just testing overall strength, agility, problem solving skills in combat- the guys basically already have those skills, especially the reconditioned clones…_ '

Just thinking about that makes Nova's stomach turn. She thinks she sympathized with Slick and Chopper way back when she watched the show, but she can't exactly remember. And if she did, that probably means they weren't actually any kind of bad guys. From what she can recall, Slick had realized he was a slave and was just desperate to escape.

' _When you've never been taught to think for yourself and suddenly you need to, of course you're going to make bad decisions!_ ' she thinks while pacing.

The men start to file in and line up against the wall where the door is, so as not to disturb the 'evidence' scattered about the room.

Nova for her part is pacing back and forth against the wall furthest from the evidence so she doesn't disturb it either. She might be anxious but she's not thoughtless.

The men have been told how the exams will be set up. They're to look at the evidence, but not move it. They can turn it over and then flip it back to lay it down but that's it.

Nova waves the first one forward- waiting for him to reach the evidence before allowing her mind to wander.

She doesn't need to watch how they handle the evidence too closely- after all if they mess it up, she'll see _after_ they get to her. And if they don't look thoroughly enough, that'll be reflected by their theories and accounting of all relevant evidence.

So Nova chooses to obsess over the other tests instead.

' _The Bounty Hunters I chose are fair, honorable warriors. They aren't part of Death Watch, but they_ _ **did**_ _leave Mandalore behind because of Satine's fucked up policies,_ ' she thinks. " _So they shouldn't have a problem passing those who actually deserve to pass for the physical exam._ "

Which only leaves one exam to worry about, really.

' _Shaak Ti is one of those Jedi who likes to "go with the flow" ,_ ' Nova growls internally. ' _She didn't even care that an instructor was abusive and a cheater, she just saw it as extra adversity that they'd need to get past and allowed it to go on._ '

One of the first things Nova did when she got here was make it clear to Shaak Ti that if the abuse of the instructors continued, she was publicizing it and taking the Jedi _down_ if she had to.

The Jedi Master had been surprised that there _was_ any abuse.

' _Which just further goes to show exactly how much of her head is shoved up the Force's ass,_ ' Nova thinks while crossing her arms and leaning back against the wall behind her. Stopping her pacing.

Don't want to make the Clones nervous or feel rushed, after all.

The two Mandalorians are of the Cadera clan. Nova was shocked that it still existed.

Torian had rebuilt it in the Old Republic mmo, but she had thought it was a step away from being destroyed.

And depending upon your choices, Torian could be killed by Vaylin. She assumed that meant that perhaps his clan had fallen apart.

She was glad to be wrong, when she saw their name on the Clan Registry. It was difficult to get into contact as they were considered _dar'manda_ by the 'new mandalorians' who wanted to sanitize their past deeds by getting rid of their entire culture and anyone who still wanted to follow it.

But after meeting with them, she realized they were actually really good people forced into a criminal occupation by the laws of their homeworld.

So she offered to employ their entire clan after speaking with master Shaak Ti about it.

She'd been hesitant, but Nova is difficult to argue with. She's logical, she does her research and she brutally refuses compromise where it concerns morality and ethics.

In short, Shaak Ti had to concede that giving them real jobs would make them legitimate and they would no longer have to be criminals to survive- and also that _not_ hiring them while they had the chance was the same as further enabling their criminal behavior.

Though it took a while to get _that_ lesson hammered into the Jedi Masters' thick skull, eventually Nova was able to get her to concede.

After all, the Jedi don't believe they're at fault for anything they don't do with their own hands. Which is why they often choose to do nothing if the alternative is actively causing something, _anything-_ to happen. Even if it means not acting will kill people.

Jedi Hypocrisy at its finest. 'We are heroes and defenders, but oh we don't want to actually defend anyone. We just want to secure our own powerbase and supremacy while thinking of ourselves as heroes', gods Nova hates that about them.

So. Shaak Ti's exam is the one she's the most concerned about. But that's only because…Shaak Ti knows absolutely nothing about emotion.

See, they'd have to deal with witnesses of all kinds. So there are actors in that room, meant to be 'suspects', 'victims' and 'witnesses'.

Shaak Ti will observe each Clone's approach to each type of person.

It's going to be the test that takes the longest out of all three because it has to be judged individually and each person has to take it three times. One each for the 'suspect', 'victim' and 'witness'.

The good news is that once the other two rooms are finished with _their_ tests, they'll be able to join in on the testing of the third- so they'll be able to quickly work everyone through the test and then afterwards test the ones who haven't taken the Investigation and Physical exams.

Basically, Shaak Ti will only be solely responsible for like twenty percent of the overall exam itself.

Nova had to be especially tricky and underhanded to manage that.

She didn't even want Shaak Ti involved at _all_ , but she's the person in charge of the Clones on Kamino and their tests. Nova had to compromise and trick everyone into thinking they'd won so she could actually _mostly_ win.

The first clone makes it to her position and Nova crosses her arms, regarding him steadily. "Alright, what did you see?"


	18. Expectations and Results

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't able to update Unwritten because I haven't been able to write anything on it, but luckily I have a whole months' worth of wednesday updates still left in my backlog. So hopefully I get there eventually.

Nova was actually surprised that only a handful of people failed any one test- and that none failed all three altogether.

( _Six-forty is not agile, but I don't believe that's news to you_ ,) Kemine Cadera had informed be about the failures and those who passed with flying colors in the physical test, personally. ( _Fifty-three did exceptionally, but Eight-two-five failed so badly I think they weren't really trying._ )

Nova felt kinda bad for telling them to focus on passing only one test now, if it made them give up on the others- but in the end if it only made them flunk one or two parts of the test, it didn't matter so long as they passed the other.

( _I am…at a loss. I expected far more of them to fail more than one test- and of those that passed, I expected it to be those who had not been long out of training,_ ) Shaak Ti had also expressed her shock at the amount of passing grades.

Nova feels especially bad for doubting them at all. But like Shaak Ti, she assumed it would be decided by the fact that most of them were rusty and hadn't been training in a while.

The physical tests were passed easily by almost everyone. Exempting those with bad physical conditions who didn't need corrective surgery and implants but…were still kind of in pain and extremely tired all the time- almost everyone else passed them.

Shaak Ti's test was so easily passed by almost every Clone that Nova was forcibly reminded of the fact that they'd been 'bred' to be social as much as anything else. And the fact that only Chopper, Slick and a few of the other reconditioned Clones were the ones to fail…

They were mentally ill and then brainwashed in the most violent way possible. Nova is shocked they can keep up a regular conversation and most of the time, they don't.

They just sit quietly and wait to be called. It makes her want to hit something. Repeatedly. Until it's _pulp_.

Absolute traumatization, for the purpose of making them compliant and obedient.

Nova already hated the Emperor, Palpatine. But now that hatred was closer- more real. _Definitive_.

She always would have killed him, and hated him while doing so. But now it feels more personal. Especially with how much time she's been spending with them, seeing them slowly open up- blooming before her very eyes.

There was one with terrible scarring from past battles who was once a deserter before they were reconditioned. They didn't want to tell her their name, so she asked to call them by a nickname and they gave her the number sixty-six.

The other Clones didn't call each other by nicknames the way the others that she knew did. They had no names. And most still didn't want to tell her what they'd like to be called aside from their numbers.

So she asked if she could start nicknaming them instead.

Some of them seemed uncomfortable with the idea, so she didn't intend to name any of them. But when she'd called sixty-six 'Sixer' they'd sat up and stared at her with wide eyes. So she guessed that it used to be their actual name.

Clones were funny like that. Having more than one number next to each other was just asking to be called something like 'Fives', 'Sixes', 'Doubles', things like that. There was even a guy named 'Thrice' in the 501st.

Nova recalls reading reports and finding the name 'Quartet' next to a Clone with four fours in his number designation.

She also never calls Slick and Chopper by their numbers, and though it didn't seem to change anything about their demeanor, they at least didn't seem troubled by it.

Sixer, Slick and Chopper had some of the highest physical scores out of everyone. Slick had an incredibly high investigation score and his only blind spot was the interaction test.

Chopper was terrible at people-ing but was okay at investigative work.

And Sixer was spectacular with people until he tripped verbally and then he got nervous and tended to clam up. He was kind of sub-par at investigative work but he managed to find all the evidence even if he didn't know what to do with it.

So Nova immediately named Slick her Commander, and Sixer her Captain with Chopper being in the Sergeant position just below them.

They were all really severely fucked up by everything that had happened, but they were also damn good soldiers who knew what they were doing. And as they probably felt powerless, giving them a position in which they could feel a little more secure would do wonders for their psyche. Not to mention the other reconditioned Clones.

They needed to see that they could still be…okay.

"Are you…are you sure about this, General?" Slick's in her room on Kamino, looking blank-faced but pale.

"It's not _that_ big a change, is it? It's just hair," Nova says with a nervous smile. "You don't have to help if you're worried you might screw up or something-"

"I been dyin' hair since I was three," Slick cuts in and then subsides into silence before… "I'm sorry General, I shouldn't have cut you off."

"Well no, definitely not, it's super rude," she says with a grin. "But we'll pretend it didn't happen this time. So, will you help me?"

"I meant…about me," he says. He seems hesitant to bring it up again. "You, you…made me _Commander-_ "

"You have the highest overall scores, you were in command before and you've got lots of experience. Sixer has more experience but not specifically in the areas they need them, so obviously it couldn't be them. And Chopper is still kind of…well, I want him putting his skills to good use and all but I wouldn't put him in charge of _everyone_ , I think that'd be too much stress for him."

"But I…I'm the one with the worst criminal record," he says. "Even with reconditioning…you're going to risk it?"

"Oh, right," Nova says and stands up, walking over to him. "I was going to do this later, but I guess if you're that worried, you need to know."

She picks up his hands and he stiffens up. Her eyes stare steadily into his with a soft expression on her face.

Her soft brown hair frames her face now, making her look delicate and lovely in a way that Slick had never seen on a Jedi before.

He'd served a few in his time, but none that looked like her and none that had this same…vibe. He wonders why she feels so _safe_ and warm.

"In all honesty, I need you specifically _because_ of what you did," she says. "You were willing to defy the Jedi to do what you did. And sure it was a bad choice, the Separatists would've enslaved you as surely as the Republic has…"

He flinches at the word 'enslaved' and nearly jumps away from her but manages to catch himself in time.

"But you'd just found out everything you knew was a lie, of course you were gonna make bad decisions," she finishes. A sympathetic look on her face. "The only reason I even became a Jedi was for you."

Slick blinks once slowly. "For…me, sir?"

"The Clones," she replies, correcting herself. "For all of you. When I realized we had a whole slave army, I was…so angry. So confused. Lost and depressed. But then I realized that as a Jedi, I might be able to do something about it."

His heart skips and his stomach drops a little. But he manages to keep his composure. "I…what do you mean, sir?"

"I intend to slowly but surely get the Clones all the rights they deserve as sentient beings who live in the Republic," Nova explains. "And during that time, I intend to ferret out the corruption on Coruscant and keep casualties as low as I possibly can in whatever way I can. One day they'll be free but for now…for now we have to work at it- to make it possible. If you want to help me, then I'd be grateful. However, if you'd like to leave…"

She turns away and drops his hands, walking over to pick up a small datapad on her desk before walking back to him and handing it over. "This is a new identity I picked out for you," she says.

And Slick stares at the datapad in his hands like it is the greatest temptation he has ever faced.

But in truth, deep down inside, Slick doesn't know what to make of this at all. He's confused, he's…in pain. His reconditioning made him reject this idea of the Republic enslaving he and his brothers. But now he's beginning to remember how he felt when he got caught- the first few days of reconditioning when he was so _angry_ -

"Hey hey," she speaks softly and cups her hands around his, which are squeezing the datapad very hard. "You don't have to decide this now. I just want you to know it's here if you ever decide you want to quit. Such terrible things happened to you because of your desire for freedom. I want to make it right, in whatever way you want me to. Whether that's setting you free or allowing you to help me free everyone- whatever you want. You deserve to have a choice."

And for the first time in Slick's life, he has the freedom to do what he wants…but has no idea what to do with it- as he didn't before.

"I don't…I don't think I'm ready to decide," he says with a shaky voice.

Nova gently tugs the datapad from his grasp. "It'll always be here for you. Okay?"

He nods, still trembling.

"Now…help me with my hair?" she asks with a small and gentle smile.

Slick wonders if this is fear or reverence- or possibly both. The feeling of protectiveness and the tightness in his chest and throat. Does he want to keep her safe or does he fear that this is a ruse and wants to protect himself and his brothers _from_ her? He doesn't know.

So he merely nods his head. "I'll…I can help, General."


End file.
